Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Some Episode Summaries For TV Shows I Don't Watch

The following are completely fabricated episode descriptions based on 100% guesstimation and the magic of the imagination:

2 Broke Girls

Season 3 Episode 4

"Guano"

Because of a shipping error, a kilogram of bat guano arrives at the diner instead of pancake mix. Kelly and Josie are given 2 hours by their boss to get rid the huge bag of guano. But how???!!

The Big Bang Theory

Season 6 Episode 12

"Redshirts"

Sheldon joins a trivia competition only to discover it's a sports trivia challenge. Mookie and Wilbur do their best to find enough money for some rare Spider-Man bookends. Sexy Marsha tries to get one of the boys to go lingerie shopping with her without them blowing a load in their corduroys.

Game of Thrones

Season 4 Episode 2

"Die Hachveit"

Westernos is confronted by Duke Illich and his horde of cavedwelling man-apes. Kurr claims victory by slaying the House of Dryllys, but not before betraying Cullwhën by proposing to her sister, the next in line for the whatever whatever read the diagram.

Homeland

Season 4 Episode 16

"Not Nearly Enough"

Tamara (Claire Danes) suspects that her husband Elliot knows that she suspects that he's not entirely truthful about going to the convenience store to "just get eggs," when she discovers they ALREADY HAVE EGGS IN THE REFRIGERATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Person of Interest

Season 3 Episode 20

"1.56.322.6222.9.00"

Branford (James Caviezel) is given the key to a suspected terrorist's lovely brownstone building. Agent Wycke (Michael Emerson) pretends to want to talk him out of the mission but is secretly sent him to do his bidding. Senator Ellison (Taraji Henson) steps in to abort the mission, but is she too late?

Blacklist

Season 45 Episode 38

"Switcherooni"

The convicted felon genius Hargrove (James Spader) reveals he still wets the bed, which causes Detective Megan Boone (Megan Boone) to wonder if rumors that he is a federal agent in disguise are true... Meanwhile Duckie attempts to ask Andie to the prom since Blane hadn't asked her yet. Do you get the reference.

I don't know about you, but that bat guano episode looked pretty good.

Suddenly, I Forgot What I Was Going to Illegally Download.

UAG

Shit, Maybe It's a Cultural Thing.

You might remember a January entry where a restaurant put an ad for mofongo in a picture frame in the toilet. So I found another bathroom in Brooklyn where they put regular signage and an ad for food in a classy frame.



I really don't get it. Unless I ran into the can before even sitting down at a table, I'm pretty sure I would've ordered already, so I don't need to consider the "Three Course Prix Fixe Dinner For $23.00" at this juncture. That's just a bad media buy. I just want to wash the pee off my fingers, please.

And yes, I peed with the seat down. I'm a bad person.

Joel Takes a Stand on His Knees.

With celebrities like Rachael Ray and Tommy Lasorda pitching everything from duffel bags to blue cheese douches, Joel realized it was time for him parlay his notoriety to endorse some products he believes in.

Among these:

The Velour Loincloth by Dazzel®. Sparkly and sheer, even in the darkest of nightclubs. It lifts for easy access to dick, with handy velcro corners to keep the flap up while your going down. $44.99 at Structure.

The Stadium Buddy, Senior Golden Years Edition. Just like the common Stadium Buddy, but leakier and easier to use while always flaccid. Also reeks of "Grandma's Attic." $29.99

Dick Plus™. All the taste and texture of regular dick, but with added vitamins and minerals. $22.99 for a six pack at GNC.

Pelican Wings. Tasty barbecued wings of actual pelicans? Why? Fuck it! Available at Wing City and Domino's Pizzas. $4.99 with purchase of a medium pizza. Offer good through Sept 30. No subsitutions.

(pictured above, not every school in Connecticut is Yale)