UAG

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"You seem to be lost, ladies. Here, you might need some sunscreen."

*swings axe*

"I love doing crowd work."

"Wait. Nothing happened? And you hit F5? How about F4, did you try that? Nothing? Try F3 or F2, and if it still doesn't do anything, I don't know what to tell you..."

"Oh no, a totally realistic alien over there is heading this way. I better run."

*runs in place in front of stock footage that's going a different speed*

"Shannon, we told you to meet us at brunch at TWELVE NOON at HONEYSUCKLE CAFE. So why are you expecting us at Jiffy Lube at 4pm?"

EADJ Presents: Where Are They Now?

Smiley Gripper parlayed his short NFL career into becoming one of the most recognizable hosts on TV. The 300 lb. former running back has been the brilliant cohost of "The Voice" for three seasons and counting.

Author Sumo Mandarins is back after a 10 year hiatus from writing. This time, Mandarins tackles the trendy "Romantasy" genre and turns it on its head, spoofing both the romance and fantasy genres with a surprising tale about a man with a dachshund head falling in love with a purple horned woman who works at the space DMV. Classic Mandarins!

Michelin star acclaimed sous-chef Ropa Elegante dropped from public view after the chicken tartare incident in 2015. She currently breeds miniature buffalo in North Dakota under the alias "Flap Gracious."

Fiisto Coucha was one of the foremost mixed martial artists in the early 2010s but quickly disappeared in shame after a dummy leg was discovered in his locker room at Rumblecage 2012. Coucha now sells powdered breakfast shakes on his website couchashake.net.

Every Type of Bra Ad Headline in Social Media

This is the last bra you’re ever going to buy

I’m obsessed with this bra

This bra is shaking up the bra industry

Rethinking the bra from the ground up

Bra companies don’t want you to know this

Get Kickstarter’s Most Funded Bra

This bra is a GAME CHANGER.

We flipped the script on bras.

This bra is taking the world by storm

Say 'Hello Again' To Communications That Tell You To Say Goodbye To Something!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye bye! Bye-bye! Goodbye!

Answers To Yesterday's "Which Can, Erickson?"

1. Taos Pueblo Native American Reservation, New Mexico: D

2. Leaside Memorial Community Gardens Recreational Complex, Toronto, Ontario: A

3. Rental Beach House, Sea Isle City, New Jersey: F

4. Strathcona Music Building (formerly the Royal Victoria College), McGill School of Music, Montreal, Quebec: C

5. Cristo Redento (Christ the Redeemer) Statue, on the summit of Corcovado Mountain in the Tijuca Forest, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil: B

6. Toucan Cleric's Fun, Men's Bathroom, 24th Floor, New York City: E

* The filthiest toilet was (and is) at Toucan Cleric's Fun.

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And here are the following winners:

Honey Kaplan in Lawrenceville, Georgia got 5 out of 6 right and takes home an apple bag full of old Vogue magazines.

Jehru Managasayan from Cedar Falls, Iowa correctly answered 3 out of 6 and wins a free shoe fitting at his local Lady Foot Locker.

Ethel Merman from Stuttgart, Germany got 2 out of 6 correct and just wants a little validation around here for once.

Gary Langley in Yonkers, New Jersey got 6 out of 6 correct but forgot to completely fill out the entry form so was disqualified. He is currently beating his wife.

Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks for playing!

Haven't I Seen This Movie Already?

Three movie treatments, which have been made into about 40 movies so far:

Denzel Washington plays a tough but fair leader to a group of young people who have the potential but not the discipline. Through firm speeches and looking around the room, he gives the kids the strength they need to finally achieve that trophy or goal of theirs! Also most likely starring Angela Bassett and David Morse. Together, they will "Cross That Dream Line."

When a bad man is either on a killing rampage or has been beating her, Ashley Judd must do whatever it takes to get past that obstacle and carry on. Her tears betray the pain and determination she experiences every day. Also starring Morgan Freeman, Forrest Whitaker or other older African American gentleman to be her father figure/confidant. This Fall, get ready for "Silent Sorrow Hope."

A heist is going down. And it's up to Robert Deniro/Al Pacino to either finish the job or stop it. Deniro/Pacino is the reluctant veteran on this side of the law, and he must successfully carry out/stop one last illegal activity before he retires. Also starring Joaquin Phoenix, Jennifer Tilly, and that girl from The Sopranos. Directed by either of those directors that always does this shit. "Throw The Book," coming 2009.

Condiments Question

Many EADJ readers have asked over the years if Joel enjoys eating dick with any condiments or sauces. The answer is 'sometimes.'

•In the spring, Joel enjoys dipping dick in praline spread and framboises confiture.

•During episodes of "Ugly Betty," Joel enjoys dick with a pineapple and ginger sauce.

•Joel eats dick with Marmite, but only after being slapped.

•Mustard and worchestershire sauce is a favorite dick sauce when Joel is watching a game of jai alai.

•When dining on dick at the Cleveland airport, Joel insists on a bottle of "Denzel's Dangerous Goods."

•When being accused of forgery, Joel enjoys dick with a roasted garlic teriyaki sauce.

(pictured above, LAX decides to end their college internship program)