UAG

EADJ Fashion Roundup: "Brace Yourself, Winter Is Leaving" Edition

Goodbye, hideous winter coats. Hello, hideous spring ensembles.

Don regretted cutting in front of Wolverine in line to the bathroom.

Despite the fact that Grace festooned herself in a shiny gold fur-lined rain jacket and rubbers to show she had money, she still couldn't catch a cab to save her life (I guess even cabbies have taste).

Is that a furry Cinnabon, or did a giant furry falcon take a big furry dump on this woman's head? You'd think that turd would slide right off the back of that Teflon coat.

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.

Work you cares away,
Dancing's for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Down at Fraggle Rock.

Huey couldn't wait for spring, even though it was still only 40º outside. His feet said fuck it and decided to go out in Tevas anyways. Who needs toes, mang.

Resting On His (Spicy) Laurels

Spotted in Manhattan, a gyro cart that features a laminated, horribly Photoshopped photo of the proprietor next to Bobby Flay.

"Excellent LAMB!! Rahman"

Meanwhile, I can't order one of these excellent lamb gyros because Rahman's asleep. HELLO?!

New York City. The Most Exciting City On Earth

Pictured below, a man helps a woman with her coat's zipper (or is the woman helping the man with his coat's zipper?). Either way, we are the world.

The Biggest "Twilight" Fan

Pictured above, Joanne catches up on her hourly Robert Pattinson news.

Meanwhile, During The Sound Record...

Pictured above, Brynn doesn't realize she's sort of making fun of Danny's hairdo.

Cap'n Brynn o' the Cursed Houndstooth Pearl

Yaaaarrrr! Ahoy, ye scurvy scallywags and lily-livered curs! Me ship be plunderin' and carryin' on the sweet trade on the high seas! Aye, a sword in the belly is a fair trade fer twenty doubloons and a bottle of rum, me hearties! With salt in yer eyes and the grog in yer belly, 'tis a merry course we chart upon the treacherous waters of Columbus Circle.

Why, me sea-farin' lassies and I set anchor at yon Coach Store with our newfound booty from a night o' pillagin' and pilates. Gangway! A fine turquoise Peyton handbag fer less than 600 pieces of eight blows wind in me topsails, ye mangy seadogs! And the new spring pattern for a Penelope Swingpack, aye, is a prize I've kept me telescope on since I first spotted her in the November Vanity Fair. Yarrrr!

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Somewhere Tomorrow

Some movies, just by being bad, are a waste of time. But it's pretty unforgivable when a movie intentionally wastes your time. Somewhere Tomorrow is guilty of setting up a storyline, leading you down it, then pulling a switcheroo on you, all to be able to say "Hey! GOTCHA Sport!" then popping its collar and doing the two-handed point click. Director Robert Wiemer masterfully weaves not one, but TWO plot twists into this film, leaving the viewer feeling cheated and gassy. I've never understood the allure of Sarah Jessica Parker to begin with, but after seeing this horribleness, I think I might stop watching anything Matthew Broderick is in now. Wassup now, bitch?




The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene:

Mother: She was real close to her father. Doug had to work long, hard hours, but he always managed to find time for Lori. He just loved her..,just loved her so much.




Doctor: Did this thing start happening, when? At the time of his death?








Mother: I don't know. Maybe it started then...

The Doctor watches her.





(sobs) Listen, I just want to be in there with her!







Doctor: Betty, we have to talk about this. I have a problem, and I don't know how to deal with this. I've got a little girl in there who took a spill off a horse and got a bump on the head. A mild concussion, nothing more. Yet she refuses to wake up.



Doctor: A perfectly healthy 16-year old girl. Who I think wants to die. You've got to help me reach her.

Father: Betty...

Mother: It's all so crazy, I just... I don't know where to start?















The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene:


Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly!


Dude in Blue Shirt: My God, it's a horse!




Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly? Polly! Polly? Polly? Polly is that you?

Dude in Blue Shirt emerges from the woods on the horse.





Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly!


Dude in Blue Shirt: How'd you know her name?





Sarah Jessica Parker: It's you! You're alright!


Dude in Blue Shirt: I guess so, who are you?



Sarah Jessica Parker: I saw your plane go down. I found you and your friend.

Dude in Blue Shirt: The plane, where is it?? Where's Paul, my friend?

Exeunt