Malthusian, Norse God Of Onanism

Pictured below, Thor wants you to touch his "hammer."

What Matt Thinks 6: Going Through The Motions

We are so mature.

Use It Or Lose It

7 Terrible Substances To Masturbate With:

1) Cayenne Pepper Sauce with Capers

2) Lava Soap

3) Liquid Nitrogen

4) The tears of a martyr's widow

5) Ironically, that shampoo that makes you cum

6) A mixture of wood shavings, ball bearings and guacamole

7) Piping hot oatmeal

(pictured above, the Hater's Ball is apparently right off the 4 & 5 express lines this year)