Updated Lineup For the Upcoming VidCon 2025 in Minneapolis

Get your tickets for VidCon 2025 so you can catch all these internet-famous social luminaries and podcasters:

• Manosphere dipshit Kevin Markus will explain the link between letting women vote and inflation

• Knot tying instructor Veemee Shithouse will tie a perfect square knot using only his balls

• Sayso Megguneh, the ukulele Slipknot cover artist, will be busking in the parking lot

• Free tasting of Amouranth's new vodka brand HAMMERANTH

• Rick Astley will appear in random bathroom stalls to Rickroll attendees

• Special Hall D panel: "What Were Blogs?"

Movie Poster Design Lesson #1

1) Unless it's a ribald comedy about flatulence, maybe make sure your poster design doesn't prominently feature the word FART front and center.

Unnecessary Backstories for Mott's Applesauce Pouch Mascots Redd and Seedney

Few things are more riveting than reading the package graphics on your kids' snack food. It was during this activity that I came upon Redd and Seedney on a package of Mott's Applesauce Pouches. Apparently Redd and Seedney are ambassadors for Mott's other delicious pouch offerings, each representing a different SKU. Here now, because we're bored, are some fabricated backstories for each of these delightful new characters:

Redd

Full name: Redd Strawberryman. Born in the 1950s during the Second Communist Scare, he was ironically named by his beatnik parents when he was conceived in a strawberry patch in their commune (an alternate name was McCarthy). To the horror of his parents, Redd devoted his life to ultra-conservative ideals, attending anti-immigrant rallies and boycotting all of Jane Fonda's movies. He is now a fundamentalist preacher and currently resides in Bouckville, NY with his lover Daniel and their adopted children.

Seedney

Born Seedney Opeerahouse in Plano, Texas. Seedney is the accidental offspring of a wild orgy between a raspberry, two blueberries, a strawberry, and Andy Dick. Mott loves to feature Seedney's mixed ethnicity as proof of their dedication to diversity. Seedney loves flea markets, Fortnite, highway medians, and British band The Fixx's 1983 album "Reach The Beach". Seedney is a staunch Flat Earther.

A List of Shows That Will Be Taken Down From Netflix In October

Netflix has announced the latest round of movies and TV shows that will no longer be available at the end of September because of contract disputes or trade embargoes or whatever. Here's what to watch on Netflix before you're forced to switch over to Hulu (what a friggin' hassle, right?):

Movies
Tyler Perry's SMH
Steampunk Gardener
The Bourne Conjugation
Tweakier
The Reanimated Undead Zombie Groupon Riot
Uber Romances (Rom. Comedy)
2 Actresses Whose Name You Forget Pretend To Be Cops In a Tiresome Comedy
"Minority Report, The Series," The Motion Picture
Aunt Margaret's Candy Dish (Horror)
Tough Titty
Craft Service Tables That John Travolta Has Enjoyed (Documentary Series)
Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN
Gooby II

TV Shows
The Lance Bass Experiment, Seasons 1-3
Adult Swim's Fuckerfuck & The Pine Cone Cockcunts
Shark Tank, Season 2, 5, 6, and 8
Ken Burns Documentary Series: The Origin of "Yo Mamma" Jokes
America's Got Type 2 Diabetes
Rarities Series: Carol Burnett Skits Where Tim Conway Didn't Crack Up
Uber Romances, The Series
Prison Game show: Shank My Prag
Playboy's Sexiest Notary Publics In Ohio
Ignoring The Kardashians
Mama Weer All Crazy Now, The Musical Series
Asperger's + Hidden Cameras
Blackjak, The Black Kojak

From The Studio That Brought You "Jet Fuel," "Dark Magic," and "Kenya Kilimandjaro."

Having run out of ideas for movies after pillaging every comic book, novel and TV show for film ideas, movie studios have grown desperate, using everything from board games to Disney theme park rides to even break room coffee flavors as the basis for a movie script. The next step was only a matter of time: yes, the names of wildflower seeds from a Pathmark display in Union, New Jersey. Here now are movies that have been greenlighted for 2013 release:


"10 Grecian Windflowers"
It's "Eat Pray Love" meets "Leap Year." Isla Fisher travels to Greece to get away from her hectic marketing job and to "soak in the culture." What she ends up soaking in is the manly mixture of juices of John Stamos. Rwaawrr! Also starring Maria Menounos and Olympia Dukakis as the disapproving mother.


"5 Dutch Master Daffodils"
This Guy Ritchie heist picture stars Vinnie Jones as a cigar smuggler who has to hide at a floral shop run by Paulina Porizkova and Yvonne Strahovski but learns about kindness in the process. David Morse and Charlie Murphy play the two federal agents trying to find him. No deer allowed.


"I, Dahlia"
This erotic art film helmed by Tarsem stars Kathryn Morris as a young woman who stumbles upon her estranged uncle's (Ed Harris) prostitution ring in a remote town in Calgary. "Dinner plate size blooms" created by Stan Winston Studios. Julie Bowen as the prostitute with dinner plate size nipples.


"3 Lilies"
Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, and Harland Williams dress in drag again, pretending to be a nonexistent sorority to earn enough credit to have money for something or other. Featuring Selma Blair and Ellen Page as the real sorority girls who had no idea that those were dudes! Directed by Brett Ratner in a fat suit.


"10 Anemones"
Pixar returns to the sea with this high adventure starring a motley crew of misfit underwater flowering plants who stumble upon a real life pirate treasure map. Featuring the voices of Christian Slater (Bubble Tip Anemone), Christian Laettner (Long Tentacle Anemone), Christian Bale (Saddle Anemone), Christian Magdu (Adhesive Sea Anemone), Hayden Christensen (Darth Vader Anemone) and David Cross (Giant Carpet Anemone).

"10 Sparaxis"
Chris Evans and Eva Green race against time in this futuristic tri-color psychological thriller. A killer horde of ten robots named "Sparaxis" invade Greenwich Village, and it's up to a pair of hip, friendly baristas to take a stand and defend their fair trade turf.

"The Hardy Perennials: Come Back Every Year"
Tom Hanks is the coach of the Hardy High Perennials, the most winningest varsity football team in state history with a star quarterback (Zac Efron), some great linebackers (Anthony Anderson and Ethan Suplee) and a kicker with a shoooort fuse (Charlie Day)! Bonnie Bedelia plays his tired wife, Liatris.

The EADJ Sticker Show, Entry 3

Here's the semi-seasonal EADJ wrap-up some interesting stickers we've seen around town and their true meaning, courtesy of some Internet snooping.

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Shake Junt sticker spotted in Union, New Jersey.

Smoothie joint or line of hair care products?


Shake Junt is a skateboarding company from L.A., founded by Shane Heyl and is part of Baker Boys Distribution.

From Urban Dictionary: "Not JUST a brand, but a lifestyle. One which is filled with blunts, 40's and skating with the homies. The brand was started by the homies for the homies, and it what skating is all about."


They also feature a Spring 2012 catalog selling everything from DVDs to shirts to skateboard grip tape, marijuana leaf Hawaiian shirts, knapsacks, 40 oz coozies and yes, stickers.


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Cody B. Ware sticker spotted in Brooklyn.

Wrestler mag or political movement?



Neither. It's a rapper. And he's not too bad, either. "Cody B. Ware is Cody Morgan Verdecias. A 23 year old dreamer from the spirit world who represents Brairwood Jamaica, Queens. The child of interracial parents. Half Spanish Half Jewish. Hopeless Romantic keeping my PMA on high. My mother gave me my birth name & Graham Masser (Bad Rabbits) blessed me with the name of Cody B. Ware."



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Forever Is Fleeting sticker spotted in Princeton, New Jersey.

Since it's got a myspace URL, I'm going to guess terrible rock band.


Bingo. This scrappy unsigned group of musicians from Lower Bucks, Pennsylvania, feature three songs on their page: "Restart My Heart [NEW!]" "Take Advantage [NEW!]" and "Miles (Acoustic Version)."

They added their newest member, Alison Cloud(keyboard and vocals) sometime in 2010.


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Stoke Harvester sticker spotted in Seattle.

Organic food co-op or skateboard company?


Skateboard company. They sell skimboards, paddle boards, surfboards, skate gear and wetsuits. And the requisite trucker hat.



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Pat Falco can jump this high spotted in Midtown.

Underground shoe company or graffiti artist?


Turns out Pat Falco is sort of the latter. "Pat Falco is an artist, rapper, and curator. He has several redeeming qualities and is considered by his mom to be 'her son.'

Pat Falco is a cartoonist, rapper, t-shirt designer and frequent blogger. So it's no surprise that he's also a self-promoter.

The black figure with his penis hanging down is a character in his ongoing comic strip.


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Dolphins Rape People spotted in Soho.

Ironic skateboard company or sketch comedy troupe?



Neither. It's actually, quite literally, a group of people wanting to "reach out to the victims of dolphin rape and share their stories with the world."

"This is no laughing matter. We must all band together to stop the atrocity that is dolphin rape."

They even documented the world's various dolphin rape cave locations.


And they're selling more stickers at 2 for 5 bucks.
Mmm. Maybe it is a sketch comedy troupe, just trolling.

Project Fountain Has Been Suspended

Mainly due to the fact that the Old Bridge Deli has been closed AGAIN for tax evasion or lack of payment or whatever the hell shady shit is going on over there. No word yet on if any friends in the fountain have been removed by the tax man. But today I go milkless. Stinkerooni.

Well, That's Disturbing.

(pictured above, some pita bread left in a trash can in the Toucan Cleric's Fun bathroom. The mind reels and the stomach churns.)

I'm So Gonna Be In Trouble For This.

(pictured above, J'Net worships the fantastic premium movie offerings on Starz and Showtime)

"How I Spent My Holiday Weekend" by Joel's Chimp Servant

The following was submitted later this afternoon from a Compuserve email. All misspellings from the author have been kept intact.

How I spent my holiday wekend

Wekend began as always wiht early awakineng for make break fast. No holadiy weekend for chimp servant when you think about it.

Started macking Western frittata with side of dick (Joels favirote). Went oustide to get morning papper and save Harlem Funriture coupons for myself. Gonna buy that microfiber otomman soon.

Its great wehn Joel eat breafkast becuase he leave me alone and I can read U.S. World and News Report in peace. Also watch some of "Wickedwicked Games." Didnt liek at first but complex sotrylines start to grow on me.

Joel eating barkfast and everyhting going great until bus of cheer leaderhookers breaks down oustide. Joel start barking orders and get bossy to look manly infont of fucking hwores. All for show really cuz he prefer eat dick. Thus the name of blaog right am I kidding people?

Joel force me put on clean tshirt and walk out there to "tend to cheer leaderhookers needs' whcih issentialy means showing them wear in bushs to pee and help them resett travel bingo cards. All you got do is push red plastic thing back! Stupid hookers.

Hookers ask to call for towtuck but Joel is a dick about it. He particulair about hookers in his house (still!) and not want crabs in papa san agian.

Well this end of entry. just wandet to tell myside of the story. I got go to make porkchop sallad for Joel now and check on his ebay stattus.

- Chimp Sevrant

(pictured above, some Yuppie woman is considerate enough to leave the handicapped space available while she shops for accent rugs)