Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The Russian Toy with the limp

Me: The smooth talking Dachshund

Hey gorgeous. We're the same height. Wanna go get coffee sometime?

You: The distinguished Cane Corso

Me: The miniature Schnauzer in the REI harness

You seemed distracted and nervous. Are you a rescue? Me too!

You: The Shi Tzu in the fur coat

Me: The Beagle/Retriever mix with the hazel eyes

We had simulated sex over by the ramp. Wanna do it for real next time? I'm fixed!

You: The oh-so-elegant Greyhound/Pointer mix

Me: The wheezing Pug

I couldn't catch you because your legs are so long and I'm a furry paperweight. But I felt we had a connection!

DID YOU KNOW???

Most California surfers get their nickname ideas from dog chew toys.

The NJ Transit Survey Brochure Photo Models: Now as Nintendo Miis!

I wonder if the models for this stupid photo ever imagined that their likenesses would be immortalized as Miis on an obscure blog about Joel eating dicks. Probably.

"JESSE"

"JESS"

"ANGIE"

"TRINA"

"DON WITH THE THUMBS"

"SIMON PETER"

THIS BLOG IS A HUGE WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME THANK YOU

Time For Another Parking Calling Card

As documented before, we have been leaving these fine quality, embossed business cards on deserving parkers for the past year or so. This last weekend, we caught a doozy of a space hog in South Orange, New Jersey.

Wow. Look at that truck. Parking his big ass so way over the line into the next space that the back tire is almost completely clear of it.

Crash of the Titan.

So it was with great anticipation that we pulled out the cards from their hallowed space in the glove.

Left one on the Titan's windshield, and away we go!

Some More Things That I JUST Noticed

Maybe I'm just dense. But here are a few more items I've only figured out now:

Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson's album "The Dutchess (sic)" is sort of a reference to The Duchess of York Sarah "Fergie" Ferguson.



The Internet imageboard 4chan is a phonetic play on the word "fortune."




The doorways on the Chrysler Building are in the shape of a coffin.

Save the Cheerleader. Eat the Dick.

Joel is a big fan of "Heroes."

He gets hard whenever the Hiro character raises his arms. His nuts ache whenever Hayden Panetierre breaks her neck. His glans penis pulsates whenever Sendhil Ramamurthy as Mohinder Suresh does his mystical-but-not-really-saying-anything-profound voiceover.

So when Joel heard that "Heroes" was going to be back on April 23, he was so excited that he sexually molested a traffic cone and forgot to eat the dick sitting on his TV tray. Joel took the rest of the day rebuilding the James Kyson Lee shrine that he had knocked over in his excitement.

But seriously, "Heroes" is pretty cool.

(pictured above, filling in for Pat Hanna, Tyra comments on Jessica's latest KeyBank newspaper layout)