UAG

Curlzbiquitous.

(pictured above, proof that Lincoln Park sucks demon asshole)

20+ bonus points for including a silver Hummer in the crop.

Save the Cheerleader. Eat the Dick.

Joel is a big fan of "Heroes."

He gets hard whenever the Hiro character raises his arms. His nuts ache whenever Hayden Panetierre breaks her neck. His glans penis pulsates whenever Sendhil Ramamurthy as Mohinder Suresh does his mystical-but-not-really-saying-anything-profound voiceover.

So when Joel heard that "Heroes" was going to be back on April 23, he was so excited that he sexually molested a traffic cone and forgot to eat the dick sitting on his TV tray. Joel took the rest of the day rebuilding the James Kyson Lee shrine that he had knocked over in his excitement.

But seriously, "Heroes" is pretty cool.

(pictured above, filling in for Pat Hanna, Tyra comments on Jessica's latest KeyBank newspaper layout)

Dick -------------> Joel

It's tax time, and Joel filed his taxes via Turbotax.com to receive his refund more quickly. On his 1099 he listed "DICK" in the "Miscellaneous income and tips" box. The unfortunate entry, however, crashed the Turbotax server and caused everyone in Montana to receive $5000 free. The good people of capital city Helena showed their appreciation by naming one of their horse paths "Honorary Joel Eating Dick Way." Joel has also been invited to come visit and speak before a crowd of six in City Hall- two who are reported to own dicks- and Joel has enthusiastically pencilled it into his calendar.

(pictured above, three not very smart people would rather look at an ad for "America's Next Top Model" than seek shelter from a snowstorm)

**Update** The crashed Turbotax server has also inexplicably subtracted $40,000 from the account of a Galen Tomlinson, who played "Turbo" on American Gladiators from 1990-1996.