Today We Theorize Which Infinity Stone The Riders In The NJ Transit Survey Photo Would Claim

Okay, it's admittedly been years since "Avengers: Endgame" came out, and years since we covered the riders in the 2013 NJ Transit Satisfaction Survey. But since we're dedicated fanboys of both, let's just geek out and think a moment about which Infinity Stone our friends Jesse, Jess, Angie, Trina, Don With The Thumbs, and Simon Peter would lay claim to:

Jesse: SOUL STONE

The Soul Stone grants the user the ability to control a person's soul. Jesse being a soulless twit would thus appreciate having control over others'.

Jess: TIME STONE

We gave this one to Jess for no other reason than that she's moving her arms sort of like a clock moves its arms. I dunno.

Angie: MIND STONE

Hello? Angie's little more than just a head? Mind Stone.

Trina: POWER STONE

Trina deserves the Power Stone not just because its purple matches her top, but because despite Don With The Thumbs's desperate play for attention, she is the one truly in charge in that train car.

Don With The Thumbs: SPACE STONE

The Space Stone brants the user the ability to travel between places instantaneously. Don would appreciate this because he's standing up in a damn train and is obviously restless and impatient.

Simon Peter: REALITY STONE

Simon Peter could certainly use the ability to change reality, seeing how his life sucks and he can't even get a word in edgewise in a fictional stock photo conversation.

Well, that was pretty fun soft rebooting this crowd of 6. You'll see more of the riders of the NJ Transit Survey photo again soon, and it won't take 6+ years.

Here Are Your Timesheets For This Week

Greetings, all. This is Gordon from corporate.

No, none of you are in trouble, but it been brought to my attention that this office has been slightly behind the cycle in doing timesheets. Now, being the fiscal bulldog that I am, I had to contact you all directly to stress the importance of DOING YOUR FUCKING TIMESHEETS EVERYDAY. Projects due in an hour? Stop and do your timesheet anyway. Late for a hot date night with your husband? Who cares. Do your timesheet. Building on fire? You can do your timesheets from your phone. Really, there is NO EXCUSE.

Here are this week's timesheets, which I expect you all to fill out by EOD (especially you, Myers):

447553: Pumping up the jam

302404: Filling your laugh lines with cocaine

009261: Taking a kid to Build A Bear Workshop and not buying anything

920427: Slam dunkin' hoes

210749: Inventing and developing the toothpaste jelly donut

820455: Binge watching all 63 seasons of "All My Children"

397576: Honking all over this chick's funbags

631223: Returning Ann Taylor Loft merchandise at a regular Ann Taylor store

342855: Pausing your shit fit for a coffee run

111111: Realizing that making a "duck bill" with Pringles in your mouth is not unique

577321: Finding someplace to unload your Better Than Ezra CDs

492003: Saving Lois Lane for the fucking umpteenth time