Can We Cut The Shit, Please?

I happened across a couple of FB posts that were both saying the same thing and were both equally full of shit:

So who are these memes for? Well, boomers obviously, since it's Facebook. But it's MAGA boomers who are frightened of anything new, like Taylor Swift or uh... Garth Brooks? Anything new is "woke" and needs to be rejected by them.

But this is such incredible horseshit because would a successful touring artist like Garth Brooks even agree to tour with Kid Rock? Would the biggest POP star in the fucking world need to go touring with Jason Aldean? Give me a fucking break.

Oh look, Kid Rock turned down a fictional $150 million because the other artist was too woke. Right. And Jason Aldean was offered half a billion to introduce angry shitty country to a broad audience of young girls. BITCH PLEASE.

The EADJ Pun Police: Concert Security Edition

Yes, this is a big venue. But the size of the crowd shouldn't keep me from doing my job. HEY YOU,  NO GLASS CONTAINERS ON THE GRASS! Let's keep an eye on the troublemakers and make sure the puns aren't too out of line, shall we?

Okay, that's a bit of a groaner. But it's a bold move to make an abortion joke. I'll allow it.

Rum-Ball. Ugh. That's not too good. Gonna have to kick them out next time they act up.

HEY SUBWAY! That's no way to behave in the pit! You're outta here!

I don't know who you are, but "GNAT A PROBLEM" is an awful pun and strictly forbidden at this venue as stated on your ticket, so you're OUT. OUT!

STOP THE SHOW! EVACUATE THE PREMISES! GET THE TALENT OFF THE STAGE! EVERYONE IS IN DANGER HERE! OUT! OUT! OUT! 

Another Sign That I'm Old

 I saw the lineup for something called the "Gem & Jam Festival":

I didn't recognize ONE SINGLE ACT. Seriously, they read like fake bands on a Simpsons Lollapalooza episode.

As God is My Witness, I'll Never Be Pathmark Again.

That's A Pretty Pathetic Track Record, If You Ask Me

The Pathmark To Hell is Paved With Target Intentions

 

*Whew* You discarded it just in time. That thang fugly.

 

Nothing pays tribute to Whitney Houston quite like a discarded lollipop.

 

 Lock jaw?

 

Personally, I don't see what the buzz is about Nicki Minaj, paper towels or toy garbage trucks.

 

Nothing says "WELCOME" like a terrifying sculpture of a frog wielding an axe.

 

Neither Trayvon Martin nor parmesan cheese belong here.

 

I don't know what an "Ask The Unicorn" button is, but I don't think it belongs near pet food.

 

"I am Five Iron Man!"

Lazy, sad, and imitation.

Concrete Was Scared By A Goose.

Concrete was scared by a goose.


Manhole cap did nothing to help him.


Potpourri burner was appalled.


Elevator corner was angry.


Hand dryer didn't give a shit.


Dog sweater didn't understand what the big deal was.


Slippers yelled at him for not being brave enough.


Loaf of bread fell asleep.


Then next thing you know, concrete got scared by a crane.