Summaries of Upcoming Episodes of TNT's Crime Drama "The Closer"

Up to now, TNT has been hush-hush about the next season of "The Handler"- I mean "The Closer", but lucky for us mega-fans they've leaked the plot summaries of 6 upcoming episodes! Here now are the storylines to look forward to in Season 8 this Fall:

S8E01: "Gaslitted"

Sybil discovers that someone in the Evidence Department has stolen a gas card and used it to buy $300 worth of premium gas when it would have been so much smarter to buy regular unleaded and not be so obvious about it.

S8E02 "Dingleburied"

Hoffman shits his pants in the briefing room and the entire episode shows him slowly making his way to the door.

S8E03 "A Christmas Carol"

Nah. Just kidding.

S8E04 "Hung Up To Dry"

Grace and Culligan collect clues about a rumored baby mill. Meanwhile, a sex worker tells Danny about a dead body she found in the rafters. Co-starring Benjamin Blankenship as "Cory".

S8E05 "Fuck Your Feelings"

Donovan and Kaylee reveal their feelings for each other during a heated session of good cop/bad cop. The widow of a murder victim discovers a hidden cache of foreign jewels. There is a new vending machine in the break room.

S8E06 "Tits and Jujubes"

Hammond gets caught moonlighting as a steakhouse greeter. Chief Jasmine cheats on Vivian and feels guilty. A protest turns into a riot and some people get inconvenienced.

Catch these episodes and more on TNT starting November 30!

The ProofrEADJer: Late October Edition

Some Hollywood Movies Based On Dick Pills Found At 7-Eleven

Hollywood studios continue to scour every aspect of society to create the next blockbuster. The major studios have recently descended on a rack of virility pills on a 7-Eleven counter to green-light the next "When Harry Met Sally" or "Avengers." Here now are the four feature films being released in 2016:

(It should be mentioned here that none of these proposed movies are a sequel, reboot, or "re-imagining" of any existing intellectual property, save the aforementioned dick pills.)

"Yesss!" starring Adam Scott and Will Ferrell. Directed by Jay Roach.

A disgraced motivational speaker (Ferrell) pairs up with a small time white collar criminal (Scott) to launch a "positive thinking" seminar in Reno. Sam Huntington stars as FBI agent James Hellno who suspects this is all a big heist. Craig Robinson shows up a few times.

"Fast Acting Pocket; Long Lasting Rocket" starring Vin Diesel, Sean Bean and Sofia Vergara. Directed by Roger Donaldson ("The World's Fastest Indian.")

A pickpocket (Diesel) pairs up with a world-renowned rocket scientist (Bean) to create an automobile that steals money at 500mph on one tank of vegetable oil. Sofia Vergara stars as the bored millionaire who befriends the pair in the desert.

"The Black Stallion" starring Hoyt Axton, Mickey Rooney and Teri Garr. Directed by Carroll Ballard.

While traveling with his father, young Alec becomes fascinated by a mysterious Arabian stallion who is brought on board and stabled in the ship he is sailing on. When it tragically sinks both he and the horse survive only to be stranded on a desert island. He befriends it, so when finally rescued, both return to his home where they soon meet Henry Dailey, a once-successful trainer. Together they begin training the stallion to race against the fastest horses in the world.

"Bottoms Up" starring Jesse Eisenberg, Mo'Nique, Jackée, and Sir Ben Kingsley. Directed by Colin Trevorrow ("Jurassic World")

A struggling, alcoholic movie studio executive (Eisenberg) meets two Zumba instructors at Curves (Mo'Nique & Jackée) and learns their secret to landing a man, using that as a blueprint to find the next blockbuster hit for the studio boss (Kingsley). Visual effects by Industrial Light & Magic.

That's Not Right, Continental.

Pictured below, a RACIST PLANE.

Tracklists! Tracklists! Tracklists!

Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical soundtrack:

1) Start of Something New
2) Get'cha Head In the Game
3) What I've Been Looking For
4) What I've Been Looking For (Reprise)
5) Stick To the Status Quo
6) When There Was Me and You
7) Bop To the Top
8) Breaking Free
9) We're All In This Together
10) I Can't Take My Eyes Off of You


Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack:

1) What Time Is It
2) Fabulous
3) Work This Out
4) You Are the Music In Me
5) I Don't Dance
6) You Are the Music In Me (Sharpay Version)
7) Gotta Go My Own Way
8) Bet On It
9) Everyday
10) All For One
11) Humuhumunukunukuapua'a


Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical 3 soundtrack:

1) Now Or Never
2) Right Here, Right Now
3) I Want It All
4) Can I Have This Dance
5) A Night To Remember
6) Just Wanna Be With You
7) The Boys Are Back
8) Walk Away
9) Scream
10) Senior Year Spring Musical
11) We're All In This Together (Graduation Mix)
12) High School Musical
13) Just Getting Started


Here's the SNEAK PEEK tracklist to High School Musical 4, which coincidentally is also the same tracklist for "Onset of Putrefaction" by the death metal band Necrophagist:

1) Foul Body Autopsy
2) To Breathe In a Casket
3) Mutilate the Stillborn
4) Intestinal Incubation
5) Culinary Hyperversity
6) Advanced Corpse Tumor
7) Extreme Unction
8) Fermented Offal Discharge
9) Dismembered Self-Immolation
10) Pseudopathological Vivisection