Upcoming Ice Cream Pop Flavors

Summer's just around the corner–like only 5 months away–so here's a sneak peak at the new flavors you'll be able to enjoy when the ice cream truck stops in your neighborhood:

• Anthony Weiner Push-Up

• The Domino's Pizza Calfrozone

• Raspberry Excuse

• Police Chocolate Profiling

• Frozen Mob Assets

• Pepe the Frog

• The SpaceX Exploding Rocket

• Flat Earth Ice Cream Disk

• Italian Ice Italian Ice Baby

• Unvaccinated Scooter Crunch

• Gisele Bündchen's $500 Fashionable Orange Creamsicle

Yet Still More Puddles of New York City, Identified By Pantone Number

NYC's rich cultural spectrum is matched only by its boundless array of nasty-ass mystery puddles. Here are the trending color palettes in the five boroughs this season:

Happy Halloween From EADJ

We at EADJ hope you have a safe and prosperous Halloween. From the lunch ladies who serve food wearing gross witch costumes to the Halloween Headquarters employees making fun of all the slack-ass last minute shoppers, we hope you all enjoy a nice fun sized Zagnut on us.

Now onto today's entry:

Cold Stone Creamery's Secret Menu

Fine eating establishments like In 'N Out Burger and even Starbucks have been known to have secret menus, but did you know Cold Stone Creamery actually has one as well? Turns out that there are even larger sizes beyond the posted ones.

Like It (approximately 5 oz)

Love It (approximately 8 oz)

Gotta Have It (approximately 12 oz)

Really Want It (approximately 15 oz)

Seriously Fucking Need It (approximately 19 oz)

Jonesing For It In A Bad Way (approximately 20 oz)

Really, Really, Really Need It, Man, C'mon (approximately 28 oz)

Not Going To Frickin' Ask You Twice For It (approximately 32 oz)

I Can Quit It Anytime (approximately 35 oz)

Might Have To Pawn My TV For It (approximately 40 oz)

My Wife Will Leave Me If I Continue It (approximately 43 oz)

Look At How Hard My Dick Is I Want It So Bad (approximately 49 oz)

To Hell With My Family's Intervention About It (approximately 52 oz)

I Hate Myself But It's Bigger Than Me Now (approximately 55 oz)

Would Rape My Grandmother For It (approximately 68 oz)

Order any of these next time you're at Cold Stone Creamery!

An Imagined Conversation

Guy 1: Well, these ice cream treats are terrible.

(Guy 1 takes another taste, looks at packaging)

Guy 1: "Nutty peanut butter and cheese flavor?!" No wonder it's so bad.

Guy 2: I have another theory.

Guy 1: Yeah?

Guy 2: Maybe it's the fact that in the top upper left hand corner, it says "ice cream style treats for dogs," you moron.

Guy 1: "Ice cream style treats?!" You mean they're not even real ice cream for dogs?

How Insufferably Hipster is the Williamsburg Neighborhood in Brooklyn?

The Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn is so insufferably hipster, that even the ice cream truck there is insufferably hipster.

Ew.

Pictured above, an ad for herpes.

"You're Looking For Lightbulbs? Sure, They're in Aisle 5 With 'Sauces & Condiments.'"

J'Net Corrupts My Parents

At a restaurant named "Sir Walter Raleigh" in Greenbelt, Maryland, J'Net and my brother Jay describe something unspeakable- and not surprisingly, online- to my Mom and Dad.