Twitter's Least Popular Hashtags, Week of July 26, 2021

Twitter continues to suck. And many users also suck, using sucky hashtags to accompany their sucky tweets. Here are this week's least used hashtags:

#lickingbees

#taxauditenthusiast

#OliverPlatt'sManBoobs

#iamgulliblebeyondwords

#you'restandingonmypenis

#cursingupastormatChickFilA

#mybankingPINnumberis39644

#fantasizingaboutyourMomnoreally

New Segment: EADJ Selections From the Sharper Image Catalog

 

After 11 years of blogging, Eat A Dick Joel thinks it's time we started featuring products we like. And it turns out 100% of those fine products are coincidentally featured in the vaunted Sharper Image catalog. Here now are our favorite items for sale there:

(Click to enlarge and read)

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Find the Slope of a Line from Two Points

To find the slope, we will need two points from the line.Pick two x's and solve for each corresponding y: If, say, x = 3, then y = ( 2/3 )(3) – 4 = 2 – 4 = –2. If, say, x = 9, then y = ( 2/3 )(9) – 4 = 6 – 4 = 2. (By the way, I picked the x-values to be multiples of three because of the fraction. It's not a rule that you have to do that, but it's a helpful technique.) So the two points (3, –2) and (9, 2) are on the line y = ( 2/3 )x – 4.To find the slope, you use the following formula:

The subscripts merely indicate that you have a "first" point (whose coordinates are subscripted with a "1") and a "second" point (whose coordinates are subscripted with a "2"); that is, the subscripts indicate nothing more than the fact that you have two points to work with. It is entirely up to you which point you label as "first" and which you label as "second". For computing slopes with the slope formula, the important thing is that you subtract the x's and y's in the same order. For our two points, if we choose (3, –2) to be the "first" point, then we get the following:

The first y-value above, the –2, was taken from the point (3, –2) ; the second y-value, the 2, came from the point (9, 2); the x-values 3 and 9 were taken from the two points in the same order. If we had taken the coordinates from the points in the opposite order, the result would have been exactly the same value:

As you can see, the order in which you list the points really doesn't matter, as long as you subtract the x-values in the same order as you subtracted the y-values. Because of this, the slope formula can be written as it is above, or alternatively it can be written as:

 

Let me emphasize: it does not matter which of the two formulas you use or which point you pick to be "first" and which you pick to be "second". The only thing that matters is that you subtract your x-values in the same order as you had subtracted your y-values.

And speaking of values, I have driven my town car for the rudest, most reprehensible 14 year olds I have ever met. And guess what. Yes, their parents were wealthy. Don't spoil your kids with too much money, folks.

Duck, Duck, Duck, Pathmark.

It's Time To Retire Dr. Fish

A dumb premise. A poorly thought out character. An unpopular segment. These are the voyages of the Starship Dr. Fish. We at EADJ think it's about time we put this awful, unfunny, one-joke bit to death. It's a dumb segment- and coming from a blog that has featured a chimp servant, plastic hillbilly teeth, a how-to segment by a limo driver who is not Vince's uncle, racist appliances, a Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson, and an Ugly Andrew Gall- that's saying a lot.

Yes, it's time to join the Curlz MT, Tianna, and the Suzemily Players segments in the EADJ Retirement Home.


Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Do you mean to tell us that we've been throwing segments to the wayside left and right and haven't thought to dump your sorry ass? No, wait. You have to be an official, established EADJ segment to be retired. Instead of being the pathetic, annoying, uninvited, insipid, infuriating piece-of-dog-turd intrusion that you are. Sometimes I wish I could build a theme park by the side of the Grand Canyon and advertise it as "The Only Theme Park Next To The Grand Canyon!" so you would be interested and pay a ticket to ride the roller coaster, and just when you start going down the highest hill, I could have my theme park workers redirect the track into the gaping, cavernous maw of the Grand Canyon for you and the roller coaster car to fall into, never to be heard from again.


Don't worry. We'd find a way to get you on that thing.

Hey Minus!

(pictured above, Suz and Emily show their enthusiasm for a good grade given by a trade mag to an ad agency that they work at)

The Suzemily Players Rehearse, Part 2

Same scene, take 2. If I ever watched Grey's Anatomy, I could understand what the fuck these two are doing.

The Suzemily Players Rehearse

Some pivotal scene in Grey's Anatomy or something.

Watch This Space. Toss That Meat.

And What You Joel Is What You Dick

Luggage!

Joel went luggage shopping today at TravelPro in Santa Monica, hoping to find a light roller for his weekend dick-eating jaunts up the PCH.

He liked a blue medium upright, but the pockets were too shallow, and the wheels, although they did swivel in all directions, didn't have a brake mechanism (This second feature is important to Joel when he eats dick while waiting at a cab stand).

A silver hardside roller caught his eye, but the awkward handle and the $300 price tag weren't to his liking. Also, the compartments were too small to carry all his dick-eating paraphernalia and equipment.

Joel finally settled on a beige Walkabout Lite. It had a nice garment-hanging handle, two deep pockets for both weed and dick, and the expandable front flap sealed the deal. Joel could barely contain his erection as he skipped with the roller to his convertible Rabbit. His chimp servant seemed to enjoy the ride as well. On his erection.

(pictured above, Ranee Wu gets paid by pirating some holistic medicine booklet horseshit )

**SUZEMILY THEATRE UPDATE** Thanks to the persistent urgings of fans like Phil Flicklicker, both charter members of the Suzemily Theatre Players have agreed to return to the stage on Friday. The duo were seen rehearsing a scene from Grey's Anatomy earlier Wednesday by the Foursquare Court in the Creative Department Annex. Ticketmaster will open the box office at 7am tomorrow. Tickets start at $8 plus an $89 convenience charge.

The Suzemily Players, Act III?

(Editor's note: One of the regular Suzemily Players is out of town, so her understudy Emily Kane is filling in. This does not necessarily constitute Suzemily quorum. More on that later.)

This is where body text usually goes.

(pictured above, the Suzemily Players* perform a scene from American Idol)

*Up for debate

The Suzemily Players, Act II

(pictured above, The Suzemily Players reenact yet another scene from Grey's Anatomy)

A New EADJ feature: The Suzemily Players!!!!

(pictured above, The Suzemily Players reenact a scene from Grey's Anatomy)