Dis Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Remember wealthy freegans: remove your fine mink coat before dumpster diving for cantaloupe rinds and celery stalks.

After making it big, Joe Ryan forgot that the check cashing place in his home town didn't offer valet parking.

Do not attempt to shoot at the giant ghostly,blue-lightning-spouting heads floating above Brooklyn. They are apparently protected by invisible bulletproof glass.

Speaking of floating heads...

Not all men wearing sunglasses are stroking their chins.

And not all men with backwards hats are stroking their chins.

But only ONE MAN stroking his chin doesn't have sunglasses and is wearing a backwards hat!

Perfect. No change necessary.

"Okay, this loft space has potential but is simply lacks light and practial flow. So what we're going to do here is knock out that east wall. This will open up this entire space and still leave the north wall with plenty of storage and shelving. Don't worry- that wasn't a load-bearing wall. Remember, this was converted warehouse space! See, now isn't this much better? This has been Shell's Creative Spaces, brought to you by HGTV and Alberta Television!"

Probably one thing you don't want to affiliate yourself with is Mel Gibson.

That means you too, Prodigy.

Throw up all the catchers signals you want, but when you're stuck in a hot tub with the moon, hardly anyone will want to help you out.

Special "Just In Time, Suckas!" Entry For The Labor Day Weekend

Pictured below, some douchebag on vacation realizes his Hummer (with luggage racks!) doesn't somehow have enough hauling space for all his douchebag gear.

Fun fact: a Hummer's mileage when towing a full U-Haul trailer is actually negative five miles per gallon.

It's Time To Retire Dr. Fish

A dumb premise. A poorly thought out character. An unpopular segment. These are the voyages of the Starship Dr. Fish. We at EADJ think it's about time we put this awful, unfunny, one-joke bit to death. It's a dumb segment- and coming from a blog that has featured a chimp servant, plastic hillbilly teeth, a how-to segment by a limo driver who is not Vince's uncle, racist appliances, a Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson, and an Ugly Andrew Gall- that's saying a lot.

Yes, it's time to join the Curlz MT, Tianna, and the Suzemily Players segments in the EADJ Retirement Home.


Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Do you mean to tell us that we've been throwing segments to the wayside left and right and haven't thought to dump your sorry ass? No, wait. You have to be an official, established EADJ segment to be retired. Instead of being the pathetic, annoying, uninvited, insipid, infuriating piece-of-dog-turd intrusion that you are. Sometimes I wish I could build a theme park by the side of the Grand Canyon and advertise it as "The Only Theme Park Next To The Grand Canyon!" so you would be interested and pay a ticket to ride the roller coaster, and just when you start going down the highest hill, I could have my theme park workers redirect the track into the gaping, cavernous maw of the Grand Canyon for you and the roller coaster car to fall into, never to be heard from again.


Don't worry. We'd find a way to get you on that thing.