I Don't Get The Internet Sometimes.

Spotted on Facebook, an ad for a shirt that quotes Nicole Kidman's weird in-theatre promo for AMC Theatre.

Like, why quote that? Why does Nicole Kidman look like a Batman villain? Would you wear that shirt?

I don't think even Nicole Kidman would wear that shirt.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 11: "A Majestic Christmas"

Ever know someone who kept aggressively bugging you about getting into the Christmas spirit? Well, imagine an entire town of people like that, pressuring you constantly to embrace their traditions and shaming you if you don't respond enthusiastically and become one of them. Sound oppressive and terrifying? That's "A Majestic Christmas!"

Romance Factor: 3 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 14 out of 10

Overall Rating: 8.6 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 00:56:52

Six Lies Told By The New Jersey Performing Arts Center Brochure

1) "Stone's throw away," my dick. Clive Barnes of the New York Post is located on 47th Street and Avenue of the Americas- a good 14 miles from the NJPAC. If you can throw a stone 14 miles, Clive, then you're underusing your Kryptonian superpowers and have a lot of unrescued orphan buses to answer for.

2) That photo is not of famed cellist Yo-Yo Ma but of his practical joker brother Bao-Zhi Ma. What a kidder!

3) Diana Krall, Yo-Yo Bao-Zhi Ma, and Cesar Milan did not receive special permission from the NJPAC to appear in photos without their fat face resting on their hand like the other 5 celebs.

4) Alicia Graf Mack was not required in her Alvin Ailey performance to jump from the stage to the fifth level balcony. She just did, and everyone was basically cool with it. Mostly.

5) "Purchase parking in advance and save," my dick. You save like .50 on the pass, but they charge you a $2 "convenience fee" for the online purchase. Do yourself a favor and just ride on the bumper of the city bus. Fuck it.

6) "This is not a 'since we're going to the theater, we may as well eat here' place…" If that were true, why would Nico advertise on a theatre brochure? How disingenuous is that? "Oh, we are totally a destination restaurant, so fuck the theatre, but if you are going to the theatre, you should check us out." Eat my dick, Nico. As soon as Joel is done with it. You'll get your turn.

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EADJ is thrilled to announce a collaboration with Tesla Motors, a project 4 years in the making. Coming November 2016, the Tesla Model 6L a mid-priced premium electric vehicle which will be rolling off the assembly line just in time for Christmas of 2016.

Some features of the 6L:

• A 185 kWh battery that lasts for 6 months without a charge

• Ramp handicapped access to the 3rd row

• 0-60 mph in .35 seconds

• Quadruple motor all-wheel drive

• Unfair comparisons to Joe Isuzu

• Giant, hideous "6" vinyl sticker, totally removable

This Is An Entry Involving Playbills

If you're like me and frequent the theatre, you often come home with a Playbill in your pocket- a lovely souvenir program of the delightful live presentation that you just enjoyed that evening.


If you open any Playbill, you'll likely see an ad for the Ultimate Playbill Binder. That way you can save all your Playbills in a handsome leather album that would sit on your bookshelf for your maid to dust every week.


Or, if you'd like, you can bring out the binder when company is around to brag to them that you had seen both "Mamma Mia" and "Rock Of Ages" in the same month. Then, when your friend is put off by how much you brag about your stupid Playbills and storms out, the irony won't hit you that your bookshelf doesn't have any photo albums of friends and instead has rows and rows of useless Playbill albums.

***UNFORTUNATE UPDATE***

Well, apparently we already did this entry. Sorry folks!

I'm Not the Target.

Spotted on Third Avenue: A poster for "Pop Your Panties, with Paris, Nicole & Lindsay," an original music video short playing at the ImaginAsian Theater. Yeah.

Can you not get enough celebrity coverage of a bunch of useless Hollywood vag? Do you miss seeing music videos? Do you want to get out of the house for one night to get your eardrums raped for charity? Then come on down to the ImaginAsian Theater!

The top of the poster bills Ashley Michaelsen as Paris, Tiffany Lee as Nicole, and Kimberly Magness as Lindsay in the video short, but further down Zelma Davis is Paris, Cricket is Nicole, and Susanne Depperman is Lindsay performing "Plastic Paris."

More info at PopYourPanties.com

Or see the bizarre country music video here!

Or buy the music video for your iPhone on iTunes!

Or shoot yourself in the eye!

The Suzemily Players, Act II

(pictured above, The Suzemily Players reenact yet another scene from Grey's Anatomy)