I Promise Not To Use the Word "Douche" in This Entry. Whoops.

Chad: Hey Brad!

Brad: Chad. Todd.

Todd: Chad. Brad.

Chad: Nice. Blue striped shirt, khakis.

Brad: Uniform of champs, right?

(fist bump)

Chad: You read to chow, fags?

Brad: Yeah, I gotta get back to the office in a bit, though.

Todd: Yeah, me too. Can't chow for long. Maybe one brew.

Chad: Power lunch. One brew.



Waitress: Are you guys ready to order?

Brad: Fuck yeah. Turkey burger. Stella on tap.

Chad: Turkey burger. Stella on tap.

Todd: Soy burger. Sam Adams on tap.

Brad: Fag.

Chad: Fag.

Todd: Let me change that. Stella on tap.

Brad: Fag.

Chad: Fag.

Todd: Is it too late to make that a turkey burger?

Waitress:

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto With Soccer Goalkeeping Basics

Unlike all other positions on a soccer team, where anticipation and proaction are necessary, soccer goalkeepers must react. Goalkeepers must wait to know where the shot is going, then react appropriately as fast as possible. That is why improving reaction speed and reflex speed is so critical. After knowing where the ball is going, the soccer goalkeeper must anticipate where the ball will end up in order to time the dive and body positions accordingly. First, make sure you get your body behind the ball as fast as possible. Not any part of the body, but soft muscle tissue. This will prevent rebounds. For instance, getting your quads (upper thigh) behind the ball while picking up or saving a low shot is safer than getting your shin or knee behind it. That's why a quick drop is important. Second, while you need to attack the ball, at the time of contact you need to relax your hands and body just a bit, to the point of slightly retracting. A good practice exercise is to have a couple of soccer goalies play catch with raw eggs. Throw the egg a little short of the body forcing the goalie to step into the throw, i.e. attacking the egg. At the last second, the goalie will relax the body to avoid breaking the egg. Same is true for shots. The coach may choose to bring hard boiled eggs and tell the goalies they are raw eggs, just to avoid a mess the first time around.

Which reminds me: never let a fare eat scrambled eggs in your car. This one time in Connecticut I was driving a lawyer to a morning deposition, and he let a whole plateful of breakfast leak into my renovated buckskin interior. Some people are real bums.

A Forbidden Entry

Two reasons why this entry is forbidden:

1) I took this photo in Pathmark after the security guard lady told me she'd kick me out if she caught me taking photos in there again.

2) EADJ retired this Curlz MT bit.

3) This entry sucks.

Christmas is Over? Already??

The real question is why are you checking EADJ so soon after Christmas? Have you already spent all the time that you can bear with your relatives and/or inlaws that you seek refuge in a shitty blog about Joel Thomas eating dick? Wouldn't you rather talk to your uncle about his lumbago or go see that "Benjamin Button" movie where Brad Pitt's balls go from hanging really low to getting sucked up into his younger abdomen? I gotta admit, I've always thought Cate Blachett was super-hot. Especially in the Lord of the Rings movies. Totally hot. She was recently featured in some crap article on the Internet listing "hot bodies with butter faces," but I find her face interesting and classic. Not like Vida Guerra, who was also on that list. Now, THAT'S a butter face. There is this chick on that X-Files ripoff show Fringe (which has turned out to be a pretty decent show) who looks like a younger Cate Blanchett. Again, very hot. I can't believe Joshua Jackson plays a badass on that show, though. Like, the mopey kid on Dawson's Creek suddenly has a dark background running illegal weapons and working for the CIA. Un-fucking-likely. And then the actor playing his Dad on the show was Denethor on Lord of the Rings! Small world, huh? What do you mean, am I avoiding my relatives now?

EADJ Smecial Dreams Entry

From time to time EADJ asks its readers what dreams they've had lately. Here are some recent ones:

Andrew:
i did dream that i opened the refrigerator and there were oven knobs in there

Lorraine:
like me, marty and brad pitt (who was telling us what to do) were like serial killers
he was our boss
i was scared

David:
I dreamt that a quick growing rat was running through the office and every time someone spotted it, it was bigger.

Tom W: