Burning Questions For the Lady in the "Find a Soulmate From Philippines" Banner Ad

1) Are you okay?

2) No, seriously, you look very uncomfortable sitting like that.

3) Does it hurt to sit square on that chair? Do you have hemorrhoids? 

4) Perhaps the chair itself is too hard. Do you need a cushion or one of those inflatable donuts?

5) You seem like you're waiting for someone. Perhaps your proctologist?

6) If you're not waiting for someone else, would it be okay if I took that extra chair? Thanks.

Let's Boost The Visibility Of The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by John Reid, what appears to be a doppelganger of me in a white down coat.

"So many Asians with camera phones."  -J.R.

I'm Not Sure Exactly What's Wong With Me.

I'm About To Write An Angry Letter...

...to Adobe Photoshop to ask why my skills haven't improved in five years.

Mandatory Crappinema Follow-Up

"So, you saw 'Dead Awake' twice. Was it better the second time?"

"No. It was somehow exactly as bad as the first time. I really don't want to talk about it."

"Was it at least better than 'Da Station' but worse than 'Playin' For The Kitty?'"

"Sure."

I'm Not Exactly Sure Why This Made Me Laugh

But it did.

Let's Apply Generous Amounts of Salt To the EADJ Mail Sack Even Though Our Doctor Warned Us Against Too Much Sodium In Our Diet!

Submitted by Chris Stoltz a photo via text message:

"Last night some guy drove onto our agency's parking lot gate. lol."

A Little Research and Update

Here's an IM conversation I had with Andrew recently:


Gee, what IS William Hung up to these days? A quick look at his official website revealed that William has been busy going back for thirds at the buffet.


Since his infamous "American Idol" audition, Hung has also recorded three albums ("Inspiration," "Hung For the Holidays," and "Miracle: Happy Summer") and has taken voice lessons. So suck on that.


Hung was also the subject of a documentary called "Hangin' With Hung," an hour and a half long film documenting Hung's sudden rise to stardom. Sources say this DVD could very well be in the EADJ Crappinema in the near future.

A Special Message From His Holiness, Swami Yaro

Wassup bitches!

A most holy and heartfelt greeting to everyone in this blessed Hai Komanci season.

Hai Komanci is a time for meditation, fasting, and checking out 50 Cent's new album, "Before I Self Destruct," featuring "Baby By Me (featuring Ne-Yo)." Darker and harder than his last two releases, the album is a return to the roots and feel of 50 Cent's debut album, 2003's `Get Rich Or Die Trying', which went on to sell 12 million copies worldwide. On top of that, the Deluxe CD/DVD edition includes a bonus DVD that contains a full length feature film of the same name.

Personally, I'm glad 50 finally walked away from the auto-tuned synth vocals and went back to the sing-song rapping that made him famous. I believe in the spirituality of the universe, and that universe punished his album "Curtis" because it relied too much on chart-ready vocals and guest appearances that diluted his raw delivery.

On track 7, "Crime Wave," he asserts his street knowledge and rhyme genius with the verse:

Pistol pop, drop the top, burn baby burn
Revolvers spin' again and again and niggas never learn
Got an itchy itchy, itchy itchy trigger finger, nigga
So if you hit me then you get me.. I'll be back to get ya
Man, I might bring the homies, that's necessary
See, you might not be worried, but I think you should worry
the bullets come in flurries.. they sting, you know you buried
yeah! I do away with 9 niggas in 9 days
my 9 sprays, wish it, don't go my way
hold it sideways.. fuck around, cause a crime wave

Again, a blessed Hai Komanci season to you and your family.

조엘은 거시기, 먹어!

(submitted by JOEL HIMSELF from Seoul, Korea)

EADJ Smecial Dreams Entry

From time to time EADJ asks its readers what dreams they've had lately. Here are some recent ones:

Andrew:
i did dream that i opened the refrigerator and there were oven knobs in there

Lorraine:
like me, marty and brad pitt (who was telling us what to do) were like serial killers
he was our boss
i was scared

David:
I dreamt that a quick growing rat was running through the office and every time someone spotted it, it was bigger.

Tom W: