This Portion of EADJ Was Brought To You By Cole Slaw

Cole slaw. The side accompanying your favorite food that you never asked for.

Cole slaw. A slightly more edible garnish than parsley.

Cole slaw. It tastes even worse than you expected.

Cole slaw. Not cabbage's finest hour.

Cole slaw. Somehow a Southern barbecue staple.

Cole slaw. It's Sweet?! Ewwww.

Pathmark: Ultra-Rare 'Nothing Out Of Place' Edition

No Batter What They Take From Me / They Can’t Take Away My Pathma-ark

This one has more toilet paper than usual.

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain Socialism and Democratic Socialism

"Great question... Ahh... UGGGH!... A socialist, in the traditional sense, is... *gasp*....an adherent of socialism... can't... ... Socialism is a state-controlled economy... wait... in which the state... oww ow ow ow...  controls the means of production (factories, offices, resources, and firms).  FUCK... Democratic socialists... yikes... believe strongly in democracy and democratic principles... No, not that... They are by no means proponents of.. ah... ahh... uh... authoritarian government systems... *chokes*  ...many Americans associate socialism with. .and... um, fundamentally anti-capitalist ... Cough... agh... agh..." *dies*

UAG

UAG

Once You Go Racist Appliances, You Never Go Back

A Moviegoing Tip

If you see this on the screen in a movie theatre, you're not supposed to be:


This is the screen that should be immediately replaced by that familiar green screen saying "The following PREVIEW has been reviewed for ALL AUDIENCES" which leads into the trailers. If the above screen is still there after 2 minutes, something is terribly amiss in your theatre.

Like the projectionist is busy texting his buddies about the kegger at Joey Carmichael's basement on Thursday. Or that the kid who usually just tears tickets is trying to work a $50,000 piece of projection equipment. Or that someone in the projection room IS DEAD.

Whatever the reason is, you should be howling your disapproval at being forced to watch this screen, especially after having watched the weak-ass Powerpoint movie trivia slides that make up "The AMC Moviewatcher Network." (Unscramble these letters to spell out a star's name: OTM ANHSK)

Huh. Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh. Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh.

(Pictured above, John Reid and Andrew Gall demonstrate that even a 500 mile gap can be bridge via technology to communicate like adults.)

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with a Sex Education Tip

With one hand holding onto the condom at the head of your penis, use your other hand to unroll the condom all the way to the base of the penis. Make sure it is rolled all the way down the shaft. If you're not using a pre-lubricated condom, you will probably want to add some water-based lubricant to the outside of the condom. Even if you are using a lubricated condom, using extra lubricant increases sensitivity and reduces the chance of a condom breaking.

And speaking of sex, yes, a lot of people have had sex in my town car while I was driving them. One of New York's current mayors, to name a few. Be safe, kids!

Don't Get Your Font in a Curlz

More typographical awfulness from Brooklyn:

Wine list. Classy.

Nail salon. Typical. (Yeah, I'm taking a photo of your shop, bitch)

Back scratcher?! Random!


But the most flagrant violator EADJ has ever seen has to be Dizzy's Café in Park Slope:



Jesus, it's like the owner strided into a Kinko's, handed the Desktop Publisher a floppy disk, and said, "Make all my signage with this whimsical font, you orphan raper!"

Not that Kinko's employees aren't orphan rapers. Some are. Actually, a lot are. A vast majority are. Especially the third shift ones. That's why if you walk into a Kinko's late at night, they have to come to the register from the back, because they're raping an orphanage out back. For serious. I'm surprised no one has noticed this before.

Dollar Store Throwdown Madness!

An innocent trip to a strip mall got Joel and his chimp servant Chad Yarborough in a heap o' trouble.

The two were "checking out" a new smoothie place over by the tanning salon over by the gym with windows facing traffic– pretty standard stuff for LA. But their trip was interrupted by the discovery of a new Everything-In-the-Store-For-a-Dollar store. Couple that with the fact that Joel just got a $200 paycheck for some freelance work he did in March 2003, and you got a heap o' trouble. I said that already.

So before you could shake your dick in a shotglass of maple syrup, Joel and his chimp servant Chad Yarborough had knocked over 3 displays of stale off-brand cereal to get to the plastic mandals. His shopping basket was filled with pickle harmonicas, oversized crayons and a "Keds" branded incense burner. Employees of the store were desperately trying to calm Joel down, but he was just fucking shit up every which way. Lemme tell you, it was a HEAP O' TROUBLE.

Authorities had arrived 20 minutes later and arrested Joel. All of the merchandise was left with his chimp servant to purchase while Joel was being carted away, but unfortunately the paycheck hadn't been endorsed on the back yet. And the signature "Chad Yarborough" wouldn't match, either.

(pictured above, Bryan can do nothing to control Andrew's rage)