The Mexican Pizza and the McRib Meet the KFC Chizza

MP: Check it out, McRib.

M: What the hell is that?

C: Hey fellas! I'm the new KFC Chizza!

MP: Oh, I get it. Pepperoni and mozzarella on top of chicken. A Chizza.

C: Exactly! I'm chicken and pizza!

M: Nice portmanteau.

MP: Yeah, cute. But you're not really pizza. You're not on pizza dough.

C: Well, neither are you. You're a pair of big crackers. And your cheese isn't even mozzarella.

M: He's got you there, Mexican "Pizza".

MP: Shut up.

M: So, Chizza, are they buying a lot of you?

C: I'm doing respectable. Some chicken purists are offended by the pepperoni on top of chicken, though.

M: Fuck purists.

MP: Yeah, fuck 'em. If no one pushed boundaries, I'd never had been created.

M: Me neither. Here's to innovation!

C: Hear hear!

MP: You guys wanna grab a bite? I'm starving.

M: I could go for a Waldorf salad, frankly.

C: Oooh, that sounds GREAT.

An Ongoing Conversation Between Taco Bell's Mexican Pizza and McDonald's McRib

The following series of interviews was produced by the same makers of Variety's Actors On Actors segment, but instead of actors, this covers a conversation between two fast food items that give you diarrhea:

MP: Hello, McRib. It's good to see you.

MR: Thanks for having me.

MP: Actually, I'm not hosting. I'm just here to interview and be interviewed by you. I've never even seen this place before.

MR: Oh okay. LOL

MP: So let's clear the air, first. We are not rivals, are we?

MR: No, not at all. We don't have a beef. I mean, you have beef. I'm pork. Ish...

MP: I love how self deprecating you are. I've recently made a comeback to join the Taco Bell menu full time, yet you still make occasional appearances. When can we expect to see you again?

MR: I'm not at liberty to say. But people are still welcome to check the McRib Locator site.

MP: Cool. Do you miss being on the permanent menu, after being removed in 1985?

MR: That's not really a fair question. You were removed in May 2022, remember?

MP: Yes, but that was because I was selling out.

MR: I see. Whatever

----------WATCH FOR PART 2 OF THIS SERIES COMING SOON----------

Let's Smear Day-Old Guacamole All Over The EADJ Mail Sack!

(Photo is unrelated)

 

This from Matt S:


I am in the middle of a drawn out battle with a furniture retailer in NJ, and have been given the runaround and been lied to while my son sleeps on the floor because they can't deliver furniture, their only job requirement.

In addition to contacting the BBB and (no one knows this, Fox 5 and Channel 7) I've just made a tumblr blog about this.

http://cribcitymakeskidssleeponthefloor.tumblr.com/

Can you push this to your readers? I'd love for it to start making traction!

----------------


Thanks, Matt.

We feel for your son because of this travesty of customer disservice, but as a blog that mainly covers terrible movies and dick jokes, I gotta say this might not be the right forum for this issue to air.

Still, in our 6 year history, we have never turned a blind eye to an infant's troubles. Okay, maybe that once. But still, we're with you, Matt, and we'll share that link with both of our blog readers.


http://cribcitymakeskidssleeponthefloor.tumblr.com/

 

Matt, hope this makes up for that time we pantsed you at Busch Gardens that summer.

Let's Tell the EADJ Mail Sack We Don't Have a Cigarette When In Fact We Really Do!

Submitted by Andrew Gall a week late for Graffiti Week, some graffiti:

Don Quixote of the Rumor Mills

Okay, we at EADJ have had enough of the unfair rumors surrounding our hero, Joel. A little misinformation here or there is permissible, but the following rumors must come to an end NOW:

• The rumor that Joel did not eat any dick after a movie on Wednesday, January 3 and went straight home. The truth is, he ate dick, but he snuck it into the theatre.

• The rumor that Joel has eleven toes. In all of Joel's "I Eat Dick" advertisements around the city, he appears to have the regular ten toes. Producers of the ads have sworn that they have not retouched any extra toes out.

• The rumor that Joel prefers the occasional McRib to dick. While the McRib is a tasty boneless pork and barbecue sauce sandwich with a bun, onions and pickles and is available only on a temporary basis, Joel's first love is definitely dick.

• The persistent rumor that Joel is writing one episodes for the MyNetworkTV daytime drama "Wicked Wicked Games." It has already been established here many times that Joel, while an avid fan of the show, has never been called to put words in Tatum O'Neal's mouth. Instead, Joel has devoted most of his time putting dick in HIS mouth.

• The rumor that there is a shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson roaming the hallways of 225 North Michigan. This rumor is actually true. Because I've seen him a few times at the elevators. And I almost said hey to him.

So we at EADJ beseech the media, the grassroots supporters and the pundits to put an end to these vicious rumors. Except for that last one, which is totally true about the shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson. Seriously.

(pictured above, a scene from the new Hilary Swank movie "Freedom Writers.")