Should All Acquaintance Be Pathmark...

Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle of Pathmark

Literate Book Corner: The New Saint Joseph Baltimore Catechism, Published 1964

Like I mentioned before, there's a free used book rack at my New Jersey train station, and while I mainly dump off books I've read there, sometimes there are titles that catch my attention that I'm compelled to share.

This one is terrific. It's a New Saint Joseph Baltimore Catechism handbook from 1965. And while it's filled with the requisite Bible readings, "study helps" (??????), and Mass prayers, they've gone the extra mile to include illustrations of children saying things that children WOULD NEVER SAY:

I showed it to my wife and she said, "That's propaganda." If I were a kid and heard another kid say anything like that, I would think, This guy is either an adult pretending to be a kid or a fucking narc.

This book frames the lessons of the Bible in terms that children can understand- like honoring your father and mother by obeying their request to do chores- but a lot of these other scenarios are examples of being nice rather avoiding sin. 

Sure, it can be all interpretation of Scripture that being nice is being holy (pretty loosey-goosey, if you ask me), but why try so hard to make children feel guilty about being children? Why instill children with such a deep sense of guilt so early in their lives... oh, yeah. Catholicism.

Super Bowl!

I'll admit it: I didn't watch the Super Bowl. I was too busy farting around the house doing something else or other. But I did want to recap this year's Super Bowl commercials, even though I hadn't seen those either. So here are the top ads that probably ran this year:

• Charles Schwab's "Deer Tick" commercial featured the indie band Deer Tick standing on the scalp of Drew Carey.

• Netflix ran a memorable commercial with two donkeys browsing suggested movie titles for them to watch on their donkey DVD player at their donkey house.

• The disease Cancer ran four commercials bragging about how it's all over the place.

• DHL had a commercial about "Da Vinci Code" author Dan Brown getting an enema from the Fat Boys.

• Jerry Springer appeared in a sensible ad for Baby Einstein® Mealtime serving dishes.

• GoDaddy.com ran a :60 second commercial featuring Danica Patrick's vagina.

• Bud Light continued its hallowed Super Bowl tradition of extremely expensive, unfunny bullshit.

• Lipton Tea ran a very obvious commercial about "Teabaggers" and the "Tea Party" with a big ol' fake march in Washington promoting its tea. Clever.

• Bob Dylan's likeness was illegally used to promote tourism in Little Rock, Arkansas.


**UPDATE: I just watched all of the Super Bowl ads in 15 minutes on YouTube. I was right!!

Amazon Is Obviously Out of Touch With The Economy. And Good Taste.

Motherfuckers are $999.99, too.

Salivary Disturbing.

Over the years, I've noticed some people have a "wet mouth," meaning they always look like their lips are red and shiny. It gives me the impression that they've just finished a giant red popsicle.

A short list of celebrities who have a "Wet Mouth:"

•Macaulay Culkin


• that ginger kid from "Harry Potter"
• ESPN Fantasy Sports analyst Matthew Berry
• Gene Simmons (even when not doing the tongue thing)


• Jim Bakker
• every actress who played that blonde girl in "Atonement"
• both "Coreys"


• Kirk Cameron
• Jean Claude Van Damme
• Ewan McGregor
• Beck


• Juliette Lewis



Do you know any other wetmouths?