A Few Retail Stores And The Likelihood That They'll Sell Unusual Products

Staples

3-ring binder dividers (pink) with pockets: 90% chance

Contraceptive sponges: 3% chance

Old Navy

Flip flops: 95,000% chance

Pants that don't make you look either effeminate or masculine in ways you didn't intend: 18% chance

Bass Pro Shops

Live bait that screams when you put it on a hook: 67% chance

Nail polish remover: 7% chance

Best Buy

TV with no HDMI but with *both* RCA and coaxial cable ins: 71% chance

A faulty dryer that has 8 lbs of smuggled cocaine inside: 45% chance

CVS Pharmacy

Picture frames with already broken glass: 38% chance

A DVD copy of "Untamed Heart" starring Christian Slater: 93% chance

Hot Topic

Panic! At The Disco tank top: 100% chance

Something your dad would wear: 0% chance

Bed Bath & Beyond

"Washtunes: the washcloth that has a pocket for your smartphone:" 88% chance

Fertility idol that works: 14% chance

Ross: Dress For Less

A wedding gown for under $15: 63% chance

A communicable disease from one of their thongs: 77% chance

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Gangsta checklist: baggy pants, check. Belly tat, check. Gat, check. Tight dreads, check. Sideways hat, check. Large coffee from Auntie Anne's with two sugars and one cream, check.

 I swear I first read this as "FART LIFE" and liked that way better.

Geraldine found a new use for one of those black headlight "bras" people used to put on the front of their Camaros.

Amazingly, a photographer's assistant didn't try to be a wiseass and throw a ping pong ball between their heads for a quick game of Plinko.

Finally, hip hop emcees act like gentlemen and give the bitches front and center stage. You've come such a long way, bitches!

Some More Taglines For "Sharknado"

The filmmakers of "Sharknado" finally got their movie aired on SyFy, and with a reported 1.4 million viewers and a score of mentions on Twitter (#sharknado), it has already been scheduled to re-air on July 18. In anticipation of this re-airing, EADJ has created some MORE unsolicited free taglines for their marketing department to use:

♪ Deck The Hall With Racist Appliances ♫

I actually can't believe this segment has had so many legs.

What The "Plus" Means In Many Store Names

Awards Plus

"Plus" = the nagging feeling that you could have done better in the three-legged race.

T-Shirts Plus

 "Plus" = pit stains, quick-fading graphics and denial of admission into nightclubs.

Best Western Plus

"Plus" = bed bugs and cum on the ceiling

Wigs & Plus

"Plus" is redundant here with the ampersand. Like who talks like that. Here "plus" stands for the waning popularity of the recording artist Pink even though she currently has several songs on the Top 40 charts.

Dollar Plus & Convenience Store

Another redundancy- putting "plus" after the ampersand is no improvement. "Plus" here stands for unenthusiastic service from a teenager on her cell phone.

Shuttle Bus Plus

"Plus" = pus