The ProofrEADJer, August Edition, Part II

Let's Break The Twist Cap Off The EADJ Mail Sack!

A couple of recent entries have documented a tooth with teeth and a hand with (ball) hands. 

Andrew and Megan Gall have discovered and submitted what they believe is a third for this distinguished series: a drawing of Colonel Sanders feeding chicken to chickens:

 

Very horrifying. But before we posted this as an official third to the series, we ran this entry by the EADJ Anthropomorphism Judge Panel. What did they have to say about this entry?

Donatello Gru-Gru: "While I applaud the 'meta' quality of the piece, I just don't think that this can stand in the same category as the two other abominations. Good effort, though."

  Alamance Condidor: "I can't say enough good things about this entry. It's composed well, it's delicious looking, and I really enjoy sickly jade green. But I'm going to have to say 'no' to this being in the same style as a Tooth With Teeth or your Hand With (Ball) Hands. Sorry."

 S. Kelvin Turnless: "So many questions. Is he really feeding chicken to those oversized chickens? Is the Colonel actually oblivious to the angry giant roosters behind him, about to peck the soul out of his decrepit carcass? Who the fuck holds a chicken leg like that? Oh... the question about whether it should be with the tooth and the hand... no. Just, no."

Sorry, Andrew and Megan. Thank you for entering the art piece for consideration, but our judges have spoken, and as much as we would like to, we cannot allow "The Colonel Feeding Chicken To Chickens" to be included in future displays alongside "Tooth Brushing Its Teeth" and "Hand With (Ball) Hands." You now owe us $50 for processing fees.

A Possibly New Segment (or Segments)

I was walking around the main street of my town in Jersey, when I happened upon a self defense class flyer near the post office:



This excellent flyer lends itself to whole world of possible captions for an EADJ segment- so many that I hesitate to commit to one just yet.

There could be The Gallant Chauvinist:


or Hopeful Libertarian:


Guy Who Keeps Bringing Up Star Wars On Dates:


Of course, we could give the woman the word bubble.
Presenting "Chick With The TV Remote:"


And then there's just the straight up Battle Of The Sexes:


Oh, the possibilities!

The Funniest Thing On TV This Week (And That Includes 2 and a Half Men)

Yesterday, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich skipped his impeachment trial in the Illinois Senate, opting instead to go to New York to appear on "Good Morning America," "Larry King Live," and "The View" to announce his innocence against allegations of corruption. Talk shows were very eager to have the embattled governor appear on their shows. Barbara Walters was in L.A. but didn't want to miss the opportunity to interview him herself, so the producers created a set up so that she could conduct a "face to face" interview via satellite. It looked like this:



So let me get this straight. Rod Blagojevich disses the members of the Illinois Senate reviewing FBI wiretaps from an ongoing criminal investigation of him so that he could be interviewed by a plasma TV behind a plant? HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HHHAHAHAH HA HAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHA HAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HHAHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAHAHAHHA HAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHHHHHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHHHHA HAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHHHH

AHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAHAHAH HAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH HAHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH

(takes drink of water)

Mmmm. HAHAHHAHAHH HAHAH HAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH

HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHHHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHH AHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHHHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH HAHAHHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHHA HAHHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHHAH

Meanwhile, During the Conference Call...

An Untitled Photo.

This Just In (Or Out)

The following is an IM conversation sent by an anonymous person in Chicago. The chat window was left open, and the Senior Account person and a producer here in New York could read it during a conference call in my office:

"just took the weirdest dump

you know those soy noodles!? the fettucini ones

so i am pooping ..

look down and i keep pooping but there is a section of poop connected to one of those noodles hanging out of my butt

it wouldn't come off. it was like a dog that eats hair"


So, like, guess who.

Meanwhile, During Another Conference Call...

Two Dunderheaded Fartknockers and What They're Thinking About

Meanwhile, during the conference call...

Meanwhile, During the Conference Call...

Click for the larger, frameable version.

A Gross Mystery. Part 2: Gross Harder

As of this writing, those nasty finger or toenails are still on Beth's office floor.


For comparison's sake, here's Lorraine's nails:


And an attempt was made at a meeting to capture Beth's. This proved very challenging because Beth talks with her hands all the time. Annoying.


But we finally got a shot.


Joanne (not pictured yet) thinks somebody came in and clipped their nails in Beth's office. Others (me) think Beth did. Tom has a third theory:

"They might have been there since she moved in, depending on how often they vacuum around here."

To further add to the confusion, here's a picture of an apple in the toilet:


What do you think, faithful EADJ reader?

**Sort of update**

Tom: "i just went up to bstone's and realized it would be weird for her to clip her nails in her office's guest chair, thus all but ruling out beth as a possible suspect"

A Gross Mystery.

This is Beth's desk.


And this is the area in front of Beth's desk:





So I told Beth about the toenails or fingernails in front of her desk. And she said, "They're probably Lorraine's. She bites her nails a lot."

But here's Lorraine:


So what the fuck?

Client Feedback Time!!!!!!

Poor Tom.