UAG

Celebrating 28 Years of "I Know What You Did Last Summer"

The surprise thriller series "I Know What You Did Last Summer" starring Jennifer, Love, and Hewitt is celebrating 28 years since its first movie's release. Here now is a quick rundown of all the films that followed it:

"I Know What You Did Last Summer" (1997)

"I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" (1998)

"I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer" (2006)

"I Seem To Be A Little Fixated On What You Did Last Summer" (2007)

"Bono What You Did Last Summer" (2008)

"I Know What You Did Last Summer (Celebrity Edition)" TV series (2008-2011)

"I Know What You Did Last Christmas (I Gave You My Heart)" (2010)

"I'm Not Going To Let You Gaslight Me Into Not Remembering What You Did Last Summer" (2012)

"YOU Know What You Did Last Summer" (2014)

"IKWYDLS: The New Generation Of Non-Forgetful, Doomed Witnesses" (2016)

"The Fast and the Know What You Did Last Summerous" (2017)

"I Fucking Know What You Fucking Did Last Fucking Summer" (Unrated) (2018)

"Ah Know What Y'all Done Last Summer, Y'hear?" (2020)

"I Know What You Did Last Summer and Am Willing To Meet You In A Public Place To Settle This Because You Don't Want Your Wife To Find Out About This, Do You?" (2021)

"ChatGPT Knows What You Did Last Summer" (2025)

The EADJ Pun Police: S1W Edition

"Ten, HUT!"

[Formation 1, turn, Assemblage 7]

"Turn!"

[Assemblage 7 converts to Formation 3A]

"At ease! No justice, no peace!"

[Formation 3A at-ease mode]

"'Pasture Bedtime?' Nonsensical context! Delta 7A fold! Fold!"

[Formation 3A becomes Delta 7A attack mode; S1Ws destroy night shirt under boot heels]

"Halt! Due East at bus stop! Submission by Barry F!"

"All Yolks Aside. That actually means the opposite of what that faceless corporation wants to say. Is there egg in this MC Muffin or not? Delta P!"

[S1Ws deliver the dreaded Delta P maneuver, which renders the bus stop ad illegible and in flames]

"Phones out!" "Phones out!"

"Sole is not soul. There are soul mates. There are no sole mates. How do you sell soul to a soulless people who sold their soul to soles? Gamma TEN!"

[S1Ws perform the rare Gamma 10 anti-commercialism maneuver. This erases the Nike Corporation from the Fortune 500 and sends a box of buffalo turds to Phil Knight's home address.]

"Make everybody see- not sea- in order to fight the powers that be! Truncheons out!"

[S1Ws mercilessly beat seal sign to a pulp with their military-style truncheons.]

"'A Lot of Cars.' Stupid. Not worth it. Bypass!"

[S1Ws ignore it.]

"Sip, Sip, Hooray!? Probably not a Naughty By Nature reference. Deploy Sigma 88 sweep anyway!"

[S1Ws stand back to back, then do the Sigma 88 sweep, making the vinyl banner dissolve in a strong but environmentally-safe acid.]

"Release the Quackin?! RELEASE THE MEGABLAST!"

[S1Ws march around the ad 5 times but it does nothing.]

"HOLD! Due northeast! Reassemble vector 8E!"

[S1Ws hurry over to a Shrek: The Musical ad.]

"This Shrek Musical has had a prior record of awful punnage. This counts as strike two. Engage in Destroyer Formation 55:28, Priority Zero!"

[S1Ws create a T-shaped formation, march around with their fists on each other's shoulders, carry Flavor Flav offstage and relax in the Green Room.]

Aquarium Baby Float

Baby float. Baby float cuz baby want to float, not because some marketing team decided that baby needs to be introduced to water. Baby knows what water is, dumbasses– baby drinks that shit in formula all the fuckin' time.

And you know what? Baby float whether you install a new reinforced safety seat or not. Baby could give a shit. Safety seat is unnecessary precaution. We all gotta die someday. Baby float.

"Built-in aquarium?!" What the shit for? Baby already in water. Baby float in water with plenty to look at. Baby don't need to look INSIDE float to see water. Why the shit would baby want to do that? My First Corporation marketing team is fucked in the head.

Baby think the My First Corporation ad executives are starting to worry about their jobs due to lagging economy. Executives invent new dumb bullshit to justify their startlingly high paychecks- justify their long meetings and expensive lunches.

Listen, baby float. Baby only want float and baby don't appreciate gilding the lily. Gilding the float. Whatever. Baby don't need introduction to water, reinforced safety seat or built-in aquarium. Baby just need float.

Baby out.

How To Tell The Seasons in Brooklyn

EADJ Rewind

I was rummaging through some old boxes and found this. This is a flyer I spotted in Atlanta when I was in town for the 1996 Summer Olympics.



So many questions. I picture a frantic delusional Asian man taping these all over Atlanta.

Something smells moist.

(pictured above, Dean Hacohen once again puzzled by Jessica showing off her ass)