UAG

The Models of the EADJ Fashion Roundup Speak Up

"It's cold out, so I should cover up. But I also feel so darn SEXY, I should wear the leggings that are torn on the thighs like one of those Bon Jovi concert shirts from 1989. Too bad this wool scarf totally covers up my 2013 cleavage."

"I'm a cool cowboy. I tell you whut, by the time you figure out what the words on the back of my jacket say, I'll have gutted you with my samurai sword and taken your girl. Bet."

"Goddammit, the furs at this boutique are all so boring. Don't you have something with alternating stripes… no, alternating stripes that ZIGZAG like Charlie Brown's shirt? You do?! Okay, I'll suck your dick if you take forty bucks off."

"I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I put these glittered speed skating tights on. I look like one of the Wonder Twins at a gay pride parade."

RU @ THE BAR? IM W8TING 4 TRAIN. ON MY WAY.

LOOK FOR ME IN 10 MIN. ILL B DRESSED UP LIKE INDIANA JONES AFTER A YOGA CLASS WITH TWO SMALL WOLVES DEVOURING MY SHINS.

Come Ride the META-BUS

Spotted in Midtown Manhattan, a bus with an airbrushed painting of ITSELF ON THE BACK.

That's right, bitches. This bus is such hot shit, it wanted its own likeness tattooed on its ass! How full of itself is this bus? That's fucking arrogant and AWESOME.

Even the eagle grabbing a fish out of the lake is amazed by the bus. "Oh, don't mind me, an endangered national bird doing something awesome like fishing from the sky. I just spotted the fucking blue METABUS driving by, with its motherfucking HEADLIGHTS ON IN THE DAYTIME, driving into the dark blue unknown OF ITS OWN PAINT JOB!!!!!! HOLY ASS, THAT IS SOME HOT SHIT!!!!"

9801 FOR LIFE, COCKSUCKERS!

Triscuit Company Proudly Supports Lesbians

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Triscuit Co. would like to make an announcement of solidarity and sisterhood with all lesbians worldwide in their fight for equal civil rights, recognized marriage, and leadership in the workplace.

Triscuit Co. is making this announcement independently of their parent company, RJR Nabisco Inc., which in turn is owned by Kraft Foods Inc. Neither RJR Nabisco Inc. nor Kraft Foods Inc. have approved this stand for solidarity with lesbians worldwide.

That's not to say that RJR Nabisco Inc. or Kraft Foods Inc. disapprove of lesbians worldwide. Both corporate entities are simply choosing to not join Triscuit Co. in its announcement. This distinction must be made very clear.

It's not that RJR Nabisco Inc. and Kraft Foods Inc. don't recognize the struggle of lesbians worldwide for equal workplace rights and civil unions. It's just that Triscuit Co. chose to make this public announcement without consulting either corporation.

Not that the fact that the announcement was public had anything to do with it. Wait. No, actually it does. The fact that it has to do with the struggle of all lesbians nationwide has nothing to do with it. RJR Nabisco Inc., Kraft Foods Inc., and Triscuit Co. have definite corporate guidelines to follow when making public announcements like this, but Triscuit Co. for some reason went ahead and made this grand sweeping gesture about lesbians without consulting the other firms, making those two look like bad guys for not going along with.

And while we're on the subject, the Thin Crisps Division of Triscuit Co. actually does not support the struggle of lesbians worldwide. The Thin Crisps Division, which covers Original, Parmesan Garlic, Quattro Formaggio, Sweet Chili, Cilantro Herb and Chipotle, and Applewood Smoked Barbecue, all condemn Triscuit Co.'s rash announcement that the entire company loves lesbians and wants to march with them.

The non-Thin Crisp version of all the flavors mentioned, however DO support lesbians worldwide in their fight for equal civil rights, recognized marriage, and leadership in the workplace.

Oh, to hell with it. Shelley in accounting at Triscuit Co. is out now. You all happy now? Jesus.

An IM Convo

RUN!

(pictured below, Gambino terrorizes a small neighborhood in the Bronx)

A Morning Scare

A reader who wishes to remain anonymous had contacted EADJ to notify that the site was down this morning.

Luckily, it was a temporary Google problem, not a blogspot.com problem, and the site is obviously up and running again. Sorry to scare you there, Matt. D'oh!

Mel Reacts To My Parents' Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup

Here is my parents' original reaction.

Let's shave the area just above and around the EADJ Mail Sack!

(submitted by Vince Soliven, an impostor who looks frighteningly like Joel would have, had he starred in Risky Business)