"It's cold out, so I should cover up. But I also feel so darn SEXY, I should wear the leggings that are torn on the thighs like one of those Bon Jovi concert shirts from 1989. Too bad this wool scarf totally covers up my 2013 cleavage."
"I'm a cool cowboy. I tell you whut, by the time you figure out what the words on the back of my jacket say, I'll have gutted you with my samurai sword and taken your girl. Bet."
"Goddammit, the furs at this boutique are all so boring. Don't you have something with alternating stripes… no, alternating stripes that ZIGZAG like Charlie Brown's shirt? You do?! Okay, I'll suck your dick if you take forty bucks off."
"I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I put these glittered speed skating tights on. I look like one of the Wonder Twins at a gay pride parade."
RU @ THE BAR? IM W8TING 4 TRAIN. ON MY WAY.
LOOK FOR ME IN 10 MIN. ILL B DRESSED UP LIKE INDIANA JONES AFTER A YOGA CLASS WITH TWO SMALL WOLVES DEVOURING MY SHINS.
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