A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs Explains Plumbism

"Great question. Plumbism, or lead poisoning, is the buildup of lead in the body, usually over months or years.

Lead-based paint and... wait... its dust, uh, usually found *ACK* in older buildings, are common sources of exposure. *Huff huff huff* Occupa... occupational exposure, such as welding... OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH is a more common cause for... a... adults. Symptoms.... include *choke* developmental delays, abdominal pain, neurologic changes, and... OH GOD... irritability. At very high levels, it can be fa... fa... fa... fatal." *neck breaks, dies*

Here Are Your Job Numbers

Billing on the 28th floor just sent a memo over. Please use these job numbers when filling out your timesheets for this week and next week:

475822 - Sensitivity Training For Executives

829910 - Explaining Why The Asian Character From "2 Broke Girls" Isn't Racist

901335 - Doing Timesheets

272453 - Confidential Fart Technology Seminar

496201 - Kicking Ass

043298 - Taking Names

942322 - Photoshopping Your Mother's Face Onto Things

607092 - Reducing The Creme In a Double Stuf Oreo So It's A Normal One

837602 - Memorizing The "Thriller" Dance

110092 - Talking Through A Burp

882913 - Getting 'Faced

871374 - Getting Pantsed

917111 - Defending Staind / Puddle Of Mudd

804244 - Masturbating To HGTV

Come Ride the META-BUS

Spotted in Midtown Manhattan, a bus with an airbrushed painting of ITSELF ON THE BACK.

That's right, bitches. This bus is such hot shit, it wanted its own likeness tattooed on its ass! How full of itself is this bus? That's fucking arrogant and AWESOME.

Even the eagle grabbing a fish out of the lake is amazed by the bus. "Oh, don't mind me, an endangered national bird doing something awesome like fishing from the sky. I just spotted the fucking blue METABUS driving by, with its motherfucking HEADLIGHTS ON IN THE DAYTIME, driving into the dark blue unknown OF ITS OWN PAINT JOB!!!!!! HOLY ASS, THAT IS SOME HOT SHIT!!!!"

9801 FOR LIFE, COCKSUCKERS!