A Special Message From Pewter Bear

Wow, Pewter Bear. What you said there really makes us think.


No, we mean it really makes us think about how much we wish YOU were dead. You're such a pusillanimous, contemptible little shitsock that you still being alive is empirical proof that there is no justice in the universe.


Why don't you stick your head in a corn thresher, you miserable, strangle-able waste of pewter? Or dive into a cobra's nest. Whatever. We could give a shit. Feel our hate!

No Photos, Please.

Spotted in South Beach, a fair skinned maiden shelters her fair skin from the brutal bootylicious Miami sun.

A Tale of Two Tabletents

(pictured left, The 5th Avenue Cafe. Pictured right, Whoretown.)

Let's shave the area just above and around the EADJ Mail Sack!

(submitted by Vince Soliven, an impostor who looks frighteningly like Joel would have, had he starred in Risky Business)

A slight misunderstanding

CORRECTION: Yesterday EADJ reported that Joel had signed on to write one episodes of the Tatum O'Neal soap opera "Wicked Wicked Games." In actuality, Joel had simply WATCHED an episode of "Wicked Wicked Games" in his boxer briefs while eating bologna out of the package. EADJ regrets the error.

The episode Joel watched was titled "Delayed Gratification." Though Theodore and Emma make a pact to keep the family secrets between them, Brooke’s suspicions are nonetheless aroused. And while Josh tries to prove that Emma should have faith in him, Edward proves that he cannot be trusted.

(pictured above, Amazon.com CEO and Founder Jeff Bezos announces the exciting new "Eat a Dick!" option on its store, allowing consumers to "eat a dick with only one click!" Unfortunately, the only consumers that this option is available to is Joel Thomas and strangely, Mia Farrow.

CLARIFICATION: EADJ readers have pointed out that in today's and yesterday's entries, the plural word "episodes" followed the singular word "one." The EADJ writers assure everyone that this is intentional, to make it funnier.