Yet Another Ad On Facebook

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

The Models of the EADJ Fashion Roundup Speak Up

"It's cold out, so I should cover up. But I also feel so darn SEXY, I should wear the leggings that are torn on the thighs like one of those Bon Jovi concert shirts from 1989. Too bad this wool scarf totally covers up my 2013 cleavage."

"I'm a cool cowboy. I tell you whut, by the time you figure out what the words on the back of my jacket say, I'll have gutted you with my samurai sword and taken your girl. Bet."

"Goddammit, the furs at this boutique are all so boring. Don't you have something with alternating stripes… no, alternating stripes that ZIGZAG like Charlie Brown's shirt? You do?! Okay, I'll suck your dick if you take forty bucks off."

"I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I put these glittered speed skating tights on. I look like one of the Wonder Twins at a gay pride parade."

RU @ THE BAR? IM W8TING 4 TRAIN. ON MY WAY.

LOOK FOR ME IN 10 MIN. ILL B DRESSED UP LIKE INDIANA JONES AFTER A YOGA CLASS WITH TWO SMALL WOLVES DEVOURING MY SHINS.

Meanwhile, At Target, K-Mart, and Especially Pathmark...

(Click to enlarge)























What's interesting about Pathmark- when I recently went to take a poop there (don't ask), I passed by their sorting system for lost items:


I was amazed and impressed that they actually do take the time to re-organize and reshelve the many, many lost items that end up in the store, although I imagine it's a losing battle.




But for all their efforts and organization, it makes me nauseous to think that some meat, produce, or freshly baked bread has been close to where people poop.

No Words.

I took a poop at Pathmark (don't ask) and spotted this:




"Meat?!" That's all it says? And why did an employee take it into a bathroom stall? Why does it just say "meat?" What was he doing with "meat" in the bathroom? My head hurts. But my ass feels so much better.

Spotted At The Hospital

Some very appropriate graffiti in a bathroom at a Jersey hospital birthing center:

Answers To Friday's "Which Can, Erickson?"

With the answers typeset in beautiful boiled lobster orange:

Oh Dammit, You're Not Going To Do That Stupid "Which Can, Erickson" Bit Again Where People Have To Guess The Toilets, Are You? I Hate That Bit.

Guess the toilet (indicated by a synonym for "dog") with the following locations:

Applebee's, Newark, Delaware
Carolines Comedy Club, NYC
Fat Tuesday on South Street, Philadelphia
Mayflower Hotel, Washington D.C.
Pirate's Den, Brigantine, New Jersey
Quik Trip Gas Station, Peters, Missouri
Quincy Country Club, Quincy, Illinois
St. Louis Airport
Trump Tower & Hotel, NYC

Answers will be revealed on Monday.

An Unsuccessful Conversation

A recent IM convo between me and Jessica Foster:

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with The Weather.

Tonight's weather at Oak Ridge, LA:

89ºF, Mostly Cloudy,
Wind: N at 5 mph
Humidity: 58%

Uncle Roberto's Fun Fact: Most women don't like gin. Those who do are most likely hookers. So, careful.

Let's Buy The EADJ Mail Sack Some Tickets To a Drag Show!

Submitted via his new cell phone, John Reid shares what he's been producing lately

Poker in the Front, Shorter Fatter in the Rear

The following Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson report has been filed by Phil Flicklicker:

"SFVOSP...in hallway over South Water.

He was wearing what I thought was a pocket protector. As I got closer, I noticed he had a black plastic fork in his shirt pocket."

(pictured above, the best rendition of Mr. Wood that I could do from memory)