And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Plant Peppers

Planting peppers in your own garden is easy. Just follow these steps:

Step 1: Prepare the ground with a tiller or turning fork. Work a 3- to 5-inch layer of compost or other organic matter into the soil to a depth of 8 of 10 inches. Using your trowel, dig a planting hole just deep enough to cover the root-ball of the plant. Space holes 18 inches apart for most peppers; some of the larger bells may need 24 inches.

Step 2: Drench the biodegradable pot until it turns dark brown. Gently peel off the bottom of the pot so that the roots will be in direct contact with the soil.

Step 3: Set the plant in the hole so that the top of the root-ball is level with the ground surface. Do not plant deeply like tomatoes, or the plants may rot. Make sure to bury the top rim of the pot so that there is nothing to stick up above the ground after planting.

Step 4: Sprinkle plant food around the plant and in the soil that will go back into the hole. Whichever fertilizer you choose, be sure to follow label directions.

Step 5: Backfill the hole. When you are done, gently pat the soil around the roots to avoid air pockets, and water thoroughly. This is very important to help settle the soil and start the plant. If desired, add plant food to the water to give your plants a boost.

Step 6: Mulch with pine needles, straw, or compost to help keep moisture in the soil and prevent weeds.

And speaking of needles and weed, I have a strict policy about drug use in my limousine: IF I CAN'T SEE IT, I can't report it to the police. You hear me, kids? Ride smart.

Triscuit Company Proudly Supports Lesbians

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Triscuit Co. would like to make an announcement of solidarity and sisterhood with all lesbians worldwide in their fight for equal civil rights, recognized marriage, and leadership in the workplace.

Triscuit Co. is making this announcement independently of their parent company, RJR Nabisco Inc., which in turn is owned by Kraft Foods Inc. Neither RJR Nabisco Inc. nor Kraft Foods Inc. have approved this stand for solidarity with lesbians worldwide.

That's not to say that RJR Nabisco Inc. or Kraft Foods Inc. disapprove of lesbians worldwide. Both corporate entities are simply choosing to not join Triscuit Co. in its announcement. This distinction must be made very clear.

It's not that RJR Nabisco Inc. and Kraft Foods Inc. don't recognize the struggle of lesbians worldwide for equal workplace rights and civil unions. It's just that Triscuit Co. chose to make this public announcement without consulting either corporation.

Not that the fact that the announcement was public had anything to do with it. Wait. No, actually it does. The fact that it has to do with the struggle of all lesbians nationwide has nothing to do with it. RJR Nabisco Inc., Kraft Foods Inc., and Triscuit Co. have definite corporate guidelines to follow when making public announcements like this, but Triscuit Co. for some reason went ahead and made this grand sweeping gesture about lesbians without consulting the other firms, making those two look like bad guys for not going along with.

And while we're on the subject, the Thin Crisps Division of Triscuit Co. actually does not support the struggle of lesbians worldwide. The Thin Crisps Division, which covers Original, Parmesan Garlic, Quattro Formaggio, Sweet Chili, Cilantro Herb and Chipotle, and Applewood Smoked Barbecue, all condemn Triscuit Co.'s rash announcement that the entire company loves lesbians and wants to march with them.

The non-Thin Crisp version of all the flavors mentioned, however DO support lesbians worldwide in their fight for equal civil rights, recognized marriage, and leadership in the workplace.

Oh, to hell with it. Shelley in accounting at Triscuit Co. is out now. You all happy now? Jesus.

New York, The Most Exciting City In The World

Pictured below, an old man gets directions while holding a green pepper and a dollar.

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: Either "A Night In Compton" or "Jeremy's Family Reunion."

Now, the reason why I haven't picked one or the other is because they're both equally crappy looking. The question is whether I want to spend two hours watching some guy named Zion home from college for Christmas break "who has one night to consummate his newly-formed relationship with Lanise" or some young corporate attorney named Jeremy who's introducing his beautiful white fiancée to the wild and crazy characters in his "dirty south family."


I'm leaning toward the ribald sexual comedy more so than the preachy "message" comedy about remembering your roots. So "A Night In Compton" it probably is.

Well, Shit.

How did I end up here?

Green Peppers. Okay.

Pictured above, another one of those Facebook ad banners that make absolutely no goddamn sense.

I Just Don't Understand

Spotted on 3rd Avenue: