Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To Stuff Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Adios! Goodbye!

Six Lies Told By The Kansas City Zoo Brochure

1) Not all white monkeys at the zoo take care of little black monkeys. That would be fucked up.

2) Not always a NEW adventure. If you're been to the zoo in the past three weeks, it's the same damn adventure. The question is, why are you coming back to the zoo so soon after visiting the first time?

3) "The belly flops and underwater flips entertain all ages." That's a lie. Any kid between 14-19 would rather crush candy or flip Angry Birds or whatever the fuck.

4) The ski-lift thingie isn't NEARLY as fun as these two enthusiastic people will have you believe. 

5) Not closed only on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day. They're also closed on Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Holy Shit A Lion Has Escaped And Has Mauled 14 People Day

6) Dick Cheney not always there.

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EADJ is proud to announce a new line of Six Lies Told Hot Pockets and Lean Pockets. The Six Lies Told Hot Pockets contains new flavors like Beef Potato, Green Bean Mudslide, and Corrugated Cardboard. The Six Lies Told Lean Pockets feature new flavors like Rice Cakes, Filet O Fish, Grey Milky Discharge, and Son Of A Bitch. Look for the Six Lies Told Hot Pockets and Lean Pockets in your grocer's freezer today!

Come Ride the META-BUS

Spotted in Midtown Manhattan, a bus with an airbrushed painting of ITSELF ON THE BACK.

That's right, bitches. This bus is such hot shit, it wanted its own likeness tattooed on its ass! How full of itself is this bus? That's fucking arrogant and AWESOME.

Even the eagle grabbing a fish out of the lake is amazed by the bus. "Oh, don't mind me, an endangered national bird doing something awesome like fishing from the sky. I just spotted the fucking blue METABUS driving by, with its motherfucking HEADLIGHTS ON IN THE DAYTIME, driving into the dark blue unknown OF ITS OWN PAINT JOB!!!!!! HOLY ASS, THAT IS SOME HOT SHIT!!!!"

9801 FOR LIFE, COCKSUCKERS!

"Our?!"

(pictured above, the wrong possessive determiner at the Delmonico salad bar doesn't seem to gross anybody out)