EADJ Program Note

Thanks to Fiverr's yanitsa for this video!

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

(Click to enlarge)

L-L-L-L-L-L-Lobsterfest

The following Lobsterfest™ entries were transcribed from voice memos taken on a smartphone late Saturday night on the back patio after four beers and half a bottle of white zinfandel:

• Today you rest. Tomorrow, you dive headfirst into a punchbowl greased with olive oil mayo and your favorite crab chunks shaped like the Star of David. What, you're not Jewish? Then the cross or crescent, then. Can't we all just get along for one day with lobster on Lobsterfest™ at Red Lobster®?

• There's this guy named Yuan. I guess he's Chinese or something, but he has this amazing electronics shop on 8th Street. Everything from motherboards to cable connectors, Yuan's got them all. He will personally meet you at Red Lobster® and reserve a table for you so that when shit gets hot at Lobsterfest™, you're guaranteed a table (provided you sit with Yuan- that is the only part of the agreement that you must honor). The only thing Yuan asks is that you not refer to him as "your friend," because he's pretty cagey that way. LOBSTERFEST™!

• Lobster shells ground up make for pretty good mulch. Or for a pretty terrible lubricant. WE DO NOT JUDGE at Lobsterfest™ at Red Lobster. WE HONOR ALL LIFESTYLES™.

• We know some pretty good college a cappella groups that would love to serenade you and your date when you're drenched in butter and lobster au jus. But we won't send them to your table because we're above cheap gimmicks like that. Keep this shit real.

• A-E-I-O-Lobster. New vowel, fuckers.

These Are the People On the Subway

The New York subway system is full of people. Here are some of them:

The Stairwell Texter


I WLL B HOME N 20 MIN LOL! IM STILL @ GRND CNTRL STATN AND PPL ARE WALKING BY ME CUZ IM TOTLLY IN D WAY LIKE SOME FUCKING IDIOT SHITHEAD SKANK LOL!!!!!! IM SRPRIZED NO 1 HAS SIMPLY PUSHT ME DOWN THE STAIRZ AND BE DONE W ME! PRBLM SOLVD!!!

The Douchebag Moron Who Stands In the Fucking Doorway Blocking Anyone Who Wants To Get In Or Out And Uses His Limited Intellect To Put His Back To the Door So He Doesn't Have To See All the People Who Want To Stab Him In His Fucking Eye and Also Nice Hat You Smug Turd


Tiger!


Miss Trashbag Pants


I'm guessing that she was going for the "Trinity from the Matrix" look. But instead she has to avoid street curbs to prevent getting accidentally kidnapped by the Thursday Sanitation Pick-up.

Can a Window Display Change Your Life?

I was about to just caption this "A Window Display Found In Brooklyn," but after a second look, I came to realize how utterly genius this seemingly random arrangement of disparate objects this is.

It is essentially a Neo-Dadaist masterpiece, an installation that is not simply an act by the artist alone– the spectator on the sidewalk brings the interpretation of the piece out in to the world by deciphering and interpreting its inner qualifications and thus adds their contribution to the creative act.

But the piece transcends Dadasim, too, thereby rebelling against rebellion. It overlaps into Abstract Expressionism and Pop Art with its use of found objects, corporate logos, innovative combinations and surprise, eschewing the traditional, methodical creation of art.


What is the meaning of the ParaSpa between the legs of the walker, and behind the erotic single stockinged mannequin leg? Is this "A Christmas Story" tribute? Why is there a beanie baby of a dog lying on the seat? Seriously, what the fuck piss is going on there?

Maddening. Brilliant. Erotic. Stultifying. Stink-a-rooni.

Starting to get on my nerves.

So my phone says I have six messages, all from Sergio:

Then when I click the link, it's this crap:


It's indiscriminate forwarding like this that's starting to turn Facebook into Myspace. Thanks, Sergio.

Now Sergio does. Now Sergio doesn't.

(pictured above, Sergio Lopez still likes Groove Armada)

Mel Reacts To My Parents' Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup

Here is my parents' original reaction.

OWN the RELATIONSHIP!

Blean Blablohen gives a pep talk to Sergio and whoever else is still listening.

Farewell, Sweet Nudelman.

(The following is, sadly, the last in-house entry of "In the Nude" by Joe Nudelman, who for the last six months has been a major contriubutor to Eat a Dick Joel:)

Today I’ve decided to write a worthy tribute to the arguably most awesomest weapon ever forged by the gods: The trident!


This glorious piece of weaponry is as deadly as it is versatile. The use of the Trident has spanned over the course of all time, spanning universes, species, and mythology.


Did you know that more things have been poked by the tips of a trident than the overall number of thrusts with a trident over the course of our history? Approximately three holes have been punctured for every single thrust, talk about efficiency! Bet your stupid gun can’t hit three things with only one bullet… HA!
Tridents have played a glorious role in the development of our modern society. Ancient warriors and rulers of sea wielded the mighty ‘Tri-Cornered Spear’ (as it was referred to in the time of Scurvy). Many might argue that had it not been for this spectacular bit of weaponry, that the Navy as we know may not have ever received permission to traverse the glorious ocean that covers our planet, and we would be forced to become land isolated, living in caves, and likely turning to cannibalism in the absence of wonderful silks and spices that could be found just on the other side of the pond. I pledge my loyalty to those brave ancient souls and salute thee who created the wondrous trident.


The trident paved the way for many things. From useful things such as forks, sporks, and walking sticks. And to things we could probably do without, such as sporks, this article, and that crappy Trident Gum commercial where that bitch is stranded on that island, and the gum makes her teeth shine so bright that it attracts a plane to rescue her. That commercial sucks almost as much as this article! Stupid, just stupid.


In conclusion, tridents are awesome and they are bigger and better than you or I. Respect them or face the consequences.

In other news, today (Friday May 4th) is my last day here at C-K. I’ve enjoyed my time with most all of you (all 3 who read this to be sure), and despite the lack of a respectable amount of pay the company here makes it a bit frustrating and difficult to leave. There was a compliment in that previous sentence.

And my last conversation with Sergio will probably incite a rage inside my bowels that will likely lead to a desire to murder adorable babies and puppies, no matter how mine they are, every time I think about it. Seriously, I went from liking him, to going somewhere between loathing and homicidal thoughts, I actively dislike this man. But I digress.

I’ve enjoyed my time with you all and wish you well. If anyone would wish to contact me, my email address is joenudelman@hotmail.com.

Catch y’all on the flip!

-Joe Nudelman