Spotted in An Art Gallery in South Orange

"Life is Too Short to Live with Regrets– Make the Most Out of Every Pathmark."

The ProofrEADJer: Second Week of November Edition

Fiverr Deliverrs Againn!

This time, I hired the skills of user genious_studio to create an LP cover mockup for $5. Here's what he came up with.

I like the twerking one a little better. Because the balls are implied by the shape of the sexy ass.

A Satisfied Customer

Dad enjoys these little backyard gladiator fights.

"That's right, you little shits. Kill each other for Daddy."

Some Possible Complications from Casting a Black Man As Frosty The Snowman

I got this flyer in the mail from the Paper Mill Playhouse advertising children's shows in December (not sure why C.S. News' "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" is considered a Christmas play, but whatever). What struck me was the bold casting of an African American actor as Frosty the Snowman.

An unorthodox and progressive move, to be sure. You would think a snowman would be white, right? And I do applaud casting a minority actor beyond the typical roles that they get. But this clear demonstration of inclusiveness and seeing beyond color – especially in this political environment – somehow doesn't sit well with me in this case. Maybe considering the Paper Mill is located in the fairly wealthy, white township of Millburn, NJ? Who knows.

Here now are some red flags that the producers of the show might have seen but plowed past anyway:

• Racists in the audience might cheer when Frosty melts

• The whole "magical negro" thing

• Frosty is in possession of a stolen hat

• Helping a black man travel north on a railroad

• The possible message that a black man needs the help of white children to survive

• Creating the fiction that a black man can roam around New York City without being hassled

• Snow purists might be offended he's performing in "white face"

• Mike Pence might show up

• Children might make their own snowman afterward and be disappointed theirs doesn't resemble Kevin Hart

• It might inspire African American boys to stop applying to colleges to become snowmen instead

• The bumpity-bump-bump remix featuring Rihanna was unnecessary

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

More Taglines For A Movie That Should Never Have Been Made

Spotted At O'Hare

The need for a plug in order to check email reduces a woman to "untouchable" status.

Racist Appliances

I got a flyer in the mail from my local power company last week. One page in it struck me:


Those appliances didn't look too happy to have minority guests over. So RACIST APPLIANCES was born:







Racist appliances!

A Milestone Of Sorts

Back in the Saddle. Or Feedbag.

Returning to form, Joel racked up a staggering 4,530 dicks in one day today, chowing down such a copious amount of dick that it affected the tides.

Joel put on his dick-eating bib at 5am this morning, tore out of his one bedroom flat and gave a shrill war cry/mating call that rivaled the howls of a hyena giving ectopic birth. The amount of eaten dick lying in his wake on La Cienega Ave made it look like an aircraft carrier full of dicks collided with a dirigible full of dicks over a supercollider full of dicks on the lip of a volcano erupting with dicks.

Joel has now joined the leaderboard of dick eaters for today's round, bumping Phil Mickelson and Vijay Singh from the 3rd and 4th place slots, and finishing 4 strokes ahead of Sabbatini.

By 4pm, Joel had blazed through so much dick that he had to pause briefly to build a scrapbook about the morning to document the achievement. He stopped by JoAnn Fabrics to get glitter yarn, puffy stickers, and dick-shaped stencils to build the 28 pages of dick-eating memories. Also googly eyes.

(pictured above, ESPN makes a racist Wesley Snipes joke)