Upcoming New Titles On the Documentaries Channel

Everybody loves documentaries, especially people who like to pretend they read a lot. Here now are the latest titles coming to the Documentaries Channel:

"Pork and Beans: How a Hog Farmer and a Bean Farmer Became Legends"

"Tits: A History of Poor Eye Contact"

"Who Was Jesus? A Monthly Time Magazine Series That Repeats Itself"

"The Supreme Court Justices' Sexual Fetishes"

"Converting Sand Dollars Into Bitcoin"

"The Co-Dependent Relationship Between Mario and Princess Peach"

"How A Real Doll Became State Senator of Missouri"

"BALLS DEEP: The Biography of Emily Post"

"We Try To Make Aubrey Plaza Giggle"

"Wake Up, Kids. We're Here!"

"Now, don't worry. We have all day to explore. We'll want to hit the rides and attractions that are on top of our list first. And if there are long lines already, we'll just wait in them rather than come back and stand in even longer lines. Now, I've marked up a map so we can see as much as we can today, but don't worry if we don't hit them all, because we have a week-long pass and can come back to whatever we miss later. Okay, you kids ready? LET'S GO!"

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract changes, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• The Hulu Documentary

• The Big Bang Theory Except With Real Jokes 

• Are You As Vulnerable To A School Shooting As A Fifth Grader?

• Peace of Ass: Donkeys Who Meditate

• Eyechart

• The Holy Bible Told Entirely In GIFs, Vines and Boomerangs

• How To Listen To Your Child Yap About Fortnite

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• BTS Walks Around Korea and Sees If Anyone Recognizes Them

• James Woods Throws Lawn Darts At Migrant Children

• C-Span, Pop-Up Edition

• Nudists Gone Wild: Flashing Their Internal Organs

• How The Second "a" in "Häagen-Dazs" Feels About Not Having an Umlaut

• Pissy Shitasses

• American Noun

Fiverr Deliverrs Againn!

This time, I hired the skills of user genious_studio to create an LP cover mockup for $5. Here's what he came up with.

I like the twerking one a little better. Because the balls are implied by the shape of the sexy ass.

At Long, Long Last, A New EADJ Crappinema Entry: "Testing The Limits" (NSFW)

Hey remember when we introduced this movie and promised to have a Crappinema entry posted "soon"? Yeah, that was almost THREE YEARS ago. Good Lord.

Well, we finally finished watching and making snarky remarks about this movie. And there is no way that this will be worth the wait, but here goes. And please remember, this is the first time we've reviewed smut, so careful at work with this:

The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene: 

David: Your skin is like the finest white chocolate. So smooth and flawless. Have I ever told you how adorable this little mole is right here?

Kristin: You did.

David: Well, it is. The way you smell, the way you taste… You overwhelm me.

(CUE TITS)

David: Mmm… Iʼm addicted to your breasts. And these tiny blonde hairs that lead all the way down to that perfect patch of pubic hair?

The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene: 

David: Howdy! Iʼm David.

Mike: Hi. Can I help you?

David: Uh, Iʼm looking for Kristen Glass. I told her I might surprise her this weekend. Sheʼs my… weʼll sheʼs an old friend of mine.

Mike: Um, sheʼs not feeling well. Sheʼs upstairs asleep.

David: Oh.

Glen: Hi. Glen Powell.

David: Hey, Glen. David, old friend of Kristenʼs.

Glen: Ah, Kristen, a great girl. You know, Mike, I think Iʼm finally in love.

David: She didnʼt tell me she was seeing anyone.

Glen: You know, you meet someone, and after one night, you just know youʼre made for each other?

David: Yeah. I know that feeling very well. Iʼm sorry to hear sheʼs not feeling well. Tell her I stopped by, will ya?

Mike: Sure. Gʼbye.

David: Listen, Iʼve been driving for about 10 hours. If i get back in that car, Iʼll be out like a light within a mile. Would you mind if I just rest a little before I head back out?

Glen: No, of course not. Thatʼs fine.

David: Hey, I got all the makings for grilled salmon. Why donʼt I make you lunch?

Glen: Wow, salmon sounds great, man. Iʼm starving!

Mike: That…that… that really isnʼt necessary.

David: No! Itʼll go to waste otherwise. I donʼt mind. I really enjoy it.

Glen: You know, I think the girls would like that, too.

Mike: Iʼm going to be in the garage.

Overall grade: F