Spotted in An Art Gallery in South Orange

Even More Improbable Taglines For a Z-List Movie Whose Theatres Drifters Sat In Only To Masturbate In

Always A Plus

Whenever a retail store uses the word "beyond," "plus," "more" or "things" in their name, I can't help but be suspicious of their motives. I know that a place named "Lampshades Plus" wants you to know that they specialize in lampshades, but sell more than just that, but who's to say that "plus" doesn't mean black tar heroin? Here now we help decode what these ambiguous terms really mean.


"Beyond" = bullshit that will clutter your already crappy bathroom


"Plus" = underage prostitutes


"More" = unaired episodes of "Boy Meets World"


"Beyond" = fingerpuppets that somehow fit your penis


"Things" = AIDS


"Plus" = an old autographed 8x10 of Dick Cavett


"Things" = merchandise rejected by Bed Bath & Beyond for being too chintzy

An IM Convo

Hot off the presses, this is an exchange with Andrew:

The ProofrEADJer, October Edition

An Imagined Conversation

"Hey Bow Wow."
"Hey T-Pain. What's going on?"
"Not much. Listen, you know how both of us are starring in this upcoming movie 'Lottery Ticket?'"
"We are?"
"I know. I've never heard of it, either. But take a look at the movie poster. Take a good look at the credits at the top."
"Okay."
"You notice anything about it?"
"No. Just that I'm first. Ha ha!"
"Yeah, good for you and all that. But listen, Lil' Bow Wow.."
"HEY. It's JUST Bow Wow now."
"Sorry. Bow Wow, look how everyone has their first name, then their last name gets blown up in bigger letters."
"Yeah? So?"
"Well, look at my name. Mine's ALL big. Ice CUBE. Bow WOW. Mike EPPS. And mine's just T-PAIN, not T-PAIN."
"Wait. How were those two different?"
"The first time I said 'T,' it was in lower case. The second time I said it in bold upper case."
"No, you didn't. You said T-PAIN the same way twice."
"Well, shit. Forget how I said it; it would look different on the poster."
"Oh. Okay."
"My point is, my name's been reduced to a single word, like Cher, Madonna, or Prince."
"That doesn't sound like a bad thing, man. That makes you an icon. Hey, wait; maybe what you could do is put your rap name in quotes, like Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson or Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges when you're acting."
"My real name's Faheem Rasheed Najm."
"T-Pain it is, then."

Can Bands Stop Doing This Now?

Spotted on an mp3 album download website, a glut of band names:


(click to enlarge)

Let's Try To Fit Our Fist in the EADJ Mail Sack Even Though It's Told Us Repeatedly That It's Not Into That Kind of Thing!

Submitted by Brad Harvey, an email from the most tenacious rep the advertising world has ever seen:

It's so sweet.

------ Forwarded Message
From: chris brown
Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 09:51:51 -0600
To:
Subject: Mr. Harvey..........

How are you man?

It's been forever since we've spoke. What's new in yer life? Heard
you quit smoking!

I've been jamming out here and traveling a bunch. Always a plus.

Well, just wanted to to catch up and see what the creative mind at
Y&R is up too. Anything coming up for MGD or Sears?

Shoot me a line when you get a moment. I know you're busy.....

Cheers,
Chris


Chris Brown
Get Reehl Representation
XXX N. Michigan #1634
Chicago, Il 60601

(pictured above, probably not the right Chris Brown we're talking about)