An Open Letter To All Companies and Corporations

Dear All Companies and Corporations, 

There are many things we would like from you. Good service. Quality products. A pleasant overall "brand experience". But on the flip side, there are many things we would NOT like from you— long wait times, shoddy products, difficult sales transactions, and most recently, A.I. helpers.

"Hey, they're tiny and cute! And they're here to help!" is what you probably think how we customers react to these little digital critters in the corner of our browsers or phone screens. But that's not how we react at all.

Our reactions actually vary from "Oh, what's this annoying thing?" to "Goddammit, now I can never talk to Customer Service ever again!"

Because when it comes down to it, none of us are looking to chitchat with a computer during these times. We want our thing and we want to get out of there. 

If anything, throwing an AI chatbot in our face is the opposite of customer service. It's telling us you don't care about customers and that a mindless automated robot can answer any of our mundane questions. That we as customers don't deserve an actual human.

In summary, fuck these AI chatbots and fuck YOU for thinking any of us want this shit. FUCK YOU.

Sincerely, EADJ

Here Are Your Timesheets For The Week of March 8

Ahoy, officemates! This is Troy 😼, your fearless (unpaid) intern from the 2nd floor! I have been tasked with the important task (ugh, I just said task twice 🤔. Where is Grammarly when you need it? 😱) of reminding 🎗 everyone to submit their timesheets by "EOD". Here are the job numbers 🔢 you'll probably need:

------------------------------

97725: Dumping cole slaw into the disposal

37281: Looking up the definition for 'REKT'

20809: Teaching spouse the value of money

68223: Toner games

05441: Muting yourself

05442: Unmuting yourself

X3330: Mutant yourself

68342: Making rude gestures to the Fedex guy

12213: Beefing up your resume

82321: Twerking (for presentations only)

38309: Decoding "mamma say mamma sa, ma-ma kusa" to white people

72133: World building

85541: Trying to escape video mode on Facebook

Somehow Already, It's Time Again To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

And this one isn't exactly a goodbye but is worth noting:

Goodbye! *Kiss!* Goodbye! *Wave!* Goodbye! Goodbye!

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of February 17

Twitter has a lot of hashtags, with lots of uses. To sell shoes, to raise awareness for a debilitating disease, to shame a mother who slapped her daughter in public even though it was a joke and everyone got all bent out of shape and she's not even my real daughter get a life.

Here are some bad, underused hashtags that you can use in your own Twitter feed that no one will read:

#Ozzyhygiene

#shinmediabuy

#telegramsexting

#Doritoscoveredcorpse

#empoweringpeasants

#thanksfortheprettyfistula

#YouTuberswhowerealsoValedictorians

The ProofrEADJer: Second Week of November Edition

Say It Ain't So, I Will Not Go, Turn Pathmark Off, Carry Me Home

Peter Piper Picked Pathmark, But Couldn't Rock Rhymes

The ProofrEADJer: Mayan End Of The World Edition

The following typos came from the excellent but grossly under-proofread book "The Signal And The Noise: Why So Many Predictions Fail- But Some Don't" by Nate Silver:

Check out this mislabeled graph that tells us nothing: