Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Robert Ludlum Is Running Out Of Nouns

 

 Author Robert Ludlum has run into an enviable crisis: his Jason Bourne books (and movies) have gotten so popular that he has run out of nouns for book titles. After "Identity," "Supremacy," "Deception," "Sanction," "Ultimatum," and "Legacy," his noun well has run dry, and this could affect his 58 future releases.

 

Here now are the remaining possible titles that Ludlum has left to release:

The Bourne Inconvenience

The Bourne Umbrage

The Bourne Strategy

The Bourne Stratego

The Bourne Hasselhoff

The Bourne Syllabus

The Bourne Cypher

The Bourne Target Market

The Bourne Hasenpfeffer

The Bourne Baby Björn

The Bourne Shiwala

The Bourne Betrayall (different from "Betrayal" in that it has two l's)

The Bourne Noun

The Bourne Jeggings

The Bourne Status

The Bourne Thingy

The Bourne Crinoline

The Bourne Demitasse

The McBourne

The Bourne Hub (not to be confused with PornHub)

The Bourne Enruobeht (palindrome!)

The Bourne Candy Crush Saga

The Bourne Canker

The Bourne Summersquash

The Bourne Twihard

The Bourne Disestablishmentarianism

An Imagined Conversation.

"Gimme the watch."
"Ow! You're hurting me!"
"I said gimme the watch."
"Here."
"And your wallet. And your iPod. Gimme that."
"Here. Please don't hurt me!"
"Shut up."
"Can I go now?"
"No. You stay put or I swear I'll cut you...I want to ask you a question."
"Huh?"
"What the fuck you doin' in Los Vatos Locos territory with your fanny pack and Hawaiian shirt and shit?"
"Los Vatos what?"
"Don't you we run these Jackson Heights streets, son? You can't be wearing red around here."
"Uh... I think I just got lost."
"Gee, you think?"
"I was using this subway pocket map I got from New York Magazine."
"Lemme see that."
"You're still stabbing me."
"Sorry...Shit, dude. I see your problem now."
"What?"


"This formula on the back. The Arithmetic of the Avenues and some shit."
"Yeah, it's pretty confusing."
"Dude, it's downright confounding, yo."


"Uh, so do you know how I can get back to Manhattan?"
"Shit, this thing is totally confusing. I'll just drive you there."
"Really? Thanks."
"No prob. And here, take your iPod back. I hate Death Cab For Cutie."

When I Say Dragon, You Say Force

Finally, some scientific proof of how hard DragonForce rocks:

Halfway through a morning run the other day, my iPod Shuffle played "Strike of the Ninja," a special edition bonus track off of DragonForce's newest album "Ultra Beatdown."

As you can see in the progress chart below, my performance improved markedly during that one rocking song, boosting my overall pace to 8 min 13 sec per mile and helping me save the youth center.


I'm not quite sure whether it was the 178 beats per minute of Dave Mackintosh's drumming, Herman Li's furious guitar solo licks, or ZP Theart singing the inspiring lyric "Standing strong together, marching forever on / Fire in the heavens, now that our time has come," but maybe it was a little of all of them. A veritable Voltron of awesome kickass awesomeness.

Thank you, DragonForce, for rocking my ass to the next level! Kudos, cheers, and huzzah!

You too can order "Strike of the Ninja" from iTunes here.

Drunk or Happy.

(pictured above, Toddman5000 and Nikki Baker, as shot by Annie Leibowitz at Gage, June 20, 2007)