It's 2019 and We're Still Writing Taglines For a Dumb 2014 Movie

Come To New York City

Where you can buy flip flops with brand names like Babe or Adadis.

Questions That Come After "What The Fuck?" Upon Seeing The Latest Bebe Window Display

• Are they lost?
• Or are they just Amish chicks with very permissive parents?
• Do those models know how fucking stupid they look with a wagon?
• Is the one pulling her wallet out to pay the wagon driver?
• Is the one in the skirt itchy after the ride?
• Where are the horses? Are the models pulling the wagon now?
• If the models are pulling the wagon now, how do you dangle a carrot in front if them if they don't eat?
• Why does fashion photography make me so livid?
• Did two runway models open a Cracker Barrel in Soho?
• Is this stupid photo in the models' portfolio?
• Is this stupid photo in the photographer's portfolio?
• Is this considered a new car ad in West Virginia?
• Whose big idea was it to take an antique wagon to the Diddy Ciroc party at Cirque, anyway? We're totally going to be late now, Kim.
• Who farted?
• Is this some subliminal "women driver" joke?
• Did the photographer coach both of them to do "Blue Steel?"
• That one model touching the wagon wheel– does she realize she's touching cow dung?
• Again, what the fuck?

A Conversation I Had With Chad Kroeger From Nickelback After Waking Up In His Arms One Morning

"Good morning."
"Hi."
"What time is it?"
"11:22."
"Aren't you Chad Kroeger From Nickelback?"
"Yeah."
"What happened last night?"
"Nothing. I'm pretty sure we just spooned."
"Oh."
(awkward pause)
"Why did we spoon?"
"Who knows. These things just happen."
"Just so you know, I'm not gay."
"Well, neither am I."
"That did feel nice, though."
"Yeah, didn't it?"
(another awkward pause)
"You know your music fucking sucks, right?"
"Don't ruin the moment."

Exeunt

Let's Promise To Buy the EADJ Mail Sack One of The New 3G iPhones But Never Get Around To It!

Submitted by Tom Weingard:
"Darn right it’s unclassifiable."

Click to enlarge and read:

A Man, A Plan, 48 Dicks, Panama!

If wishes were horses, Joel would eat all of those horses' dicks.


Today was a harrowing ordeal of scheduling for Joel. He had a dick-eating event at the Beverly Center at the same time he was supposed to eat dick on the half-court line during a Clippers game in the Staples Center. Howard Earle, his agent and publicist, said that the double-booking was unfortunate but was an indication of Joel's growing popularity. That Howard!

(pictured above, a joke gets less funny now that Joel has fully embraced it)