"Life Without Liberty is Like a Body Without Pathmark."

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Tell Your Left From Your Right

First of all, don't be embarrassed. There are plenty of well-educated, successful adults who still get their left mixed up with their right. Here's a simple mnemonic to help you remember:

Put your hands in front of you with your thumbs pointing at each other. Your left hand will make an L shape. L for left. See? Easy peasy!

And speaking of left from right, I once took a wrong turn picking up a fare at LaGuardia, and let me tell you, that woman was actually *mad* I was only 3 minutes late. Some people, right?

Stay safe, kids!

Fiverr Comes Through Yet Again

You may remember an earlier post about Fiverr, and I considered getting an EADJ brutal death metal logo. Well, here it is.

A brutal death metal logo to go with my Eat A Dick Joel metal scream? Yes please!

And within a few days, I got my glorious EADJ metal logo:

Illegible and definitely not huggable! BRUTAL!

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Take a Screenshot On Android ZTE ZMAX

1) Make sure the image you want to capture is displayed on the screen.

2) Press and hold the Power and Volume down buttons at the same time.

3) The screenshot is automatically saved in your Gallery.

And speaking of gallery, I'm no art critic, but it's been my experience that the best artists don't sit in the back of a limo and brag about how many dollars their paintings sold for at Sotheby's or whatever just to get the lady friend they're with to sleep with them. Stay safe, kids!

The Full-Mouth Nightmares Continue

"Those who don't remember recent advertising history are doomed to repeat it."  - Some Quotation Source

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

If you ever want to make the value of your sports car plummet, have Rick Ross sit on the hood.

Jimmy Mulaaaa is so confused with all his material goods and extra As in his name that he tries to make a phone call on a stack of money.

Jose Guapo is so confused by his massive illustrated size that he answers the stack of money that started ringing.

"Definitiono Fag?"

No wonder the polar icecaps have been melting- Pitbull's been pissing on them.

It does a heart good to see a narcissistic/untalented rapper like Soulja Boy have his actual name MISSPELLED on a mix tape cover.

I really don't know where to start with this one. It wins this round for its awesomeness.

Looks like someone couldn't pass up the Duty Free shops at Charles De Gaulle Airport!

Urinal Pubes Was Feeling Glum

 

Urinal Pubes was feeling glum.

 

Decorative Porcelain Sphere was confused why.

 

 

Cigarette Ashtray was unimpressed.

 

 

Drive-Thru Overhang was happily oblivious.

 

 

Skyscraper Windows didn't believe a word of it.

 

 

 File Boxes were unmoved.

 

But Toothbrush Holders were shocked.

 

 

And so was Emergency Light/Oval Sconce(?) Combo.

 

Gas Station Salad couldn't believe it.

 

 

Safety Belt Holder remained mum.

 

 

Two Tiki Candles and Picnic Blanket also held its tongue.

 

 

Stepladder Paint Holder just laughed it all off.

 

 

Two Half Apple Boxes stated their disapproval.

 

 And Toilet Bowl grumbled his displeasure.

 

Lady's Creepy Backpack laughed.

 

 

 Phone Plug thought it was hilarious.

 

Featured iTunes Icon was confused.

 

 

Door Open Icon felt depressed...

 

 

... while Door Closed Icon got angry.

 

VCR Buttons cracked a few inappropriate jokes.

 

 

And Scooter Butt remained stoic.

25 Facts That You Didn't Know About The Band DragonForce

(NOTE: none of these facts have been taken from that unverified crapfest Wikipedia)

1) Like Romulus and Remus, they were all birthed by a wolf. Except it was a dragonwolf.

2) Dragons have been known to be attracted to their live shows, wherein the audience is often terrorized, but the band FORCES the Dragon to calm down and have a Coke.

3) Every year in October, the band travels to Sussex, England to help a dragon give birth to a dragon-calf. They always name the calf after the second track of an album. This year, the calf will be named "The Fire Still Burns," which comes off their newest album, "Ultra Beatdown." See, it totally works.

4) Vocalist Frederic Leclercq hails from France but does not spit on Americans as often as you think he would.

5) The band have filmed several PSAs educating children about dragon abuse and "dragonism." In them, a band member usually cries.



6) Keyboardist Vadim Pruzhanov really enjoyed the book "The Cheese Monkeys" by Chip Kidd.

7) Yes, the band has sampled dragon meat. But they didn't know what it was at the time. And they didn't enjoy it, either. Can we not talk about this?

8) Their sister band, UnicornFlash, has a bigger following in Australia, but it's mostly consisted of people who confuse the two bands.

9) Their previous album "Inhuman Rampage" contains clues about where to find a hidden dragon treasure in Atlantic City, NJ.

10) Before the exclusive photographer from People was supposed to arrive, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's allowed DragonForce to see their baby Shiloh.

11) Rhythm guitarist Herman Li insists on shampoo and conditioner in separate bottles. You think I'm making this shit up? Check out the last entry on his bio page. Who's lying now, bitch? Whut?

12) The band periodically meets with Finnish President Tarja Halonen and Nordic Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg to see what they (the band) can do to rock harder.



13-25) Still pending. Check back later, k? :)