EADJ Presents: Where Are They Now?

After releasing his own solo album, session musician Berry Clouds retired from music and now runs a dry cleaning business out of his 8 bedroom home with his 3 wives and 16 children.

Stunt performer and martial arts master Gochujang Mang is currently touring with his dojo on a speaking tour, motivating high schoolers to get more involved in their community and to spread the gospel of fitness. His name has become a war cry of teen positivity. Gochujang Mang!

Disgraced magicians Piso Mojado and Sol Humide are planning a comeback tour, starting in the Denver, Colorado bar circuit. So far they've sold out 3 taverns and one cocktail lounge with their witty and ribald card tricks. Mojado still must report to his parole officer on a regular basis.

Crime boss S'mores McFlurry is still missing after breaking out of a minimum security prison in Nouvelle-Aquitaine in southwestern France. Authorities say he could be anywhere from Portugal to Fiji and urge anyone to report a kindly old Irishman with a raging six pack.

The ProofrEADJer: Mid April Edition

8 Fairly Recent Bruce Willis Posters, Presented In Order of Increasing Bruce Willis-ness

Movie: Vice (2012)

Bruce Willis-ness: A low, embarrassing 2. His vacant stare and loose jaw makes him look distracted by a nearby cat on the shelf licking himself. No bad-assness at all.

Movie: Vice (2015)

Bruce Willis-ness: A tepid 3. He's got the stare, but his lips aren't pursed with that sense of resolve and purpose; he almost looks constipated here.

Movie: The Prince (2014)

Bruce Willis-ness: Now you're talking! I much improved 6 here. He's staring down pieces of debris this time, mouth firm and set in the shape of a Playstation controller. Better!

Movie: Extraction (2015)

Bruce Willis-ness: We're looking at a 7 here. Bruce is in the zone now, baby! Eyes and jaw set, but without a gun his folded hands make him look like a church usher.

Movie: First Kill (2017)

Bruce Willis-ness: Another 7. Holy shit, Bruce is sharing a poster with Darth Vader! Even without a gun, he got his game face and he's rocking a law enforcement badge. Ready to kick ass.

Movie: Marauders (2016)

Bruce Willis-ness: 7.5. STILL without a gun, but this time with facial hair. Bruce clenches his jaw and is suited up to bring grief to the bad guys. Yeah, I wrote that!

Movie: Once Upon A Time In Venice (2017)

Bruce Willis-ness: A solid 9. It must be said that although the intent of a good Bruce Willis face isn't to look like a smart-ass, it's a very welcome accident. Here he looks both tough and about to say something to really piss off the substitute teacher.

Movie: A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)

Bruce Willis-ness: 10! Perfection. Leather. Gun. Scars. Game face with a touch of smart-ass, SIDE LIT by motherfucking flames! Too bad the movie is 100% shit.