Truck Bed Felt Goofy

Truck Bed felt goofy.

Hair Band and Pebbles laughed it off.

Basketball Hoop was furious about it.

Monitors and Mural was fearful about it.

Twigs on the Sidewalk felt deeply satisfied.

Let's Store Our Unmended Socks In The EADJ Mail Sack!

 Submitted by Emily Kane:

"Pulls your look together" is my personal favorite.

The Triumphant Return of Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster

Back in May, I attended a wedding at NYC and got properly shitrocked.

And whilst drunk, I had the presence of mind to write a few Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster entries. Here they are now, copied from my phone and unedited:

You show up at a ranch decided type place and then you decide that somehow the big gigantic lobster giant lobster thing is going to get you. Then you realize you’ve had the power to defeat it all along. And then you think hey, this is just like one of those things that makes it like lobster fest at red lobster at red lobster time stop.

You’re caught in pretty much a sling type hammock device but you realize that the only way to get out of it, is to order more lobster. And when you order more lobster, you realize that is so delicious, they don’t realize or care, they were in this type of position. That’s one way, to realize that you’re in the lobster fest at red lobster daikon pop

You wearing 24 silver skirt type vans types of shit so then you realize that just because it’s happening you don’t really know what you’re doing, what is this. You got it but then what is going on,? That’s when you realize, that hot legs in a short skirt is nothing match for lobster fest at red lobster.

UAG

Six Lies Told By The Alexandria Ghost & Graveyard Tour Brochure

1) It's not so much an 18th Century costumed guide by lantern light as it is a bored Alexandria high school student in a bonnet checking her texts.

2) "At the tour's end your guide will abandon you in a graveyard!" What fun is abandonment if you're going to announce it? Weak.

3) "This tour contains content that could be considered of a sensational nature and may not be suitable for all parties." Translation: HOT COLONIAL ORGIES

4) Friday's no good for me. How about the next Wednesday for a good fake haunting?

5) Colonial-costumed = foam tricorner hat and an untucked frilly shirt

6) Scanning this QR code actually transports you back to 2005 when that technology was considered cool.

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Eat A Dick Joel, in collaboration with GNC Nutrition, is happy to announce the launch of the Six Lies Told Whey Protein Meal Supplement Packets, exclusively for sale at GNC, Target, CVS, Walgreens, Hobby Lobby, Walmart, Costco, and the Vitamin Shoppe.

Build muscle, bulk up on probiotics and load up on essential amino acids with this gluten-free collection of delicious organic powders. Flavors come in tangerine, kiwi, fried chicken, malaise, and bison cum.

The ProofrEADJer, August Edition, Part II

Urinal Pubes Was Feeling Glum

 

Urinal Pubes was feeling glum.

 

Decorative Porcelain Sphere was confused why.

 

 

Cigarette Ashtray was unimpressed.

 

 

Drive-Thru Overhang was happily oblivious.

 

 

Skyscraper Windows didn't believe a word of it.

 

 

 File Boxes were unmoved.

 

But Toothbrush Holders were shocked.

 

 

And so was Emergency Light/Oval Sconce(?) Combo.

 

Gas Station Salad couldn't believe it.

 

 

Safety Belt Holder remained mum.

 

 

Two Tiki Candles and Picnic Blanket also held its tongue.

 

 

Stepladder Paint Holder just laughed it all off.

 

 

Two Half Apple Boxes stated their disapproval.

 

 And Toilet Bowl grumbled his displeasure.

 

Lady's Creepy Backpack laughed.

 

 

 Phone Plug thought it was hilarious.

 

Featured iTunes Icon was confused.

 

 

Door Open Icon felt depressed...

 

 

... while Door Closed Icon got angry.

 

VCR Buttons cracked a few inappropriate jokes.

 

 

And Scooter Butt remained stoic.