An Imagined Conversation

"Sir, are we finally ready to relaunch our Lasagna with Meat & Sauce?"

"Maybe, Danny. This last four weeks have been tough on the development team, I know. Lots of late nights. Conference room arguments. And some team members have spent the night here multiple nights. But it's important that we satisfy the Lasagna With Meat Sauce Standard after that last lasagna audit. See, when the Lasagna With Meat Sauce Board informed us that the amount of meat in our lasagna didn't satisfy their rigorous standard, I felt like I had let you—I let the entire Stouffer's family—down. So I made the decision to come back to the L.W.M.S.B. with nothing but the very best lasagna and told you all to DOUBLE THE MEAT. You remember that?"

"Yes."

"I know it was a crazy move, but I knew that we could only hope to satisfy the Lasagna With Meat Sauce standard if we doubled the meat. Sure, lots of lasagna companies would just add 10% or 20% more meat, but Stouffer's wouldn't be where it is today by being timid with their meat decisions. We can't afford another round or two of meat proportion negotiations. So 200% it is. Let's just pray it's enough, Danny."

"God help us."

The ProofrEADJer: End o' November Edition

And multiple offenses on this contractor van:

UAG

New EADJ Segment: Rising YouTube Celebrities To Watch For

The following are the latest, most popular breakout stars of YouTube, and if you've never heard of them, that means you are about to die of old age.

YouTube Breakout Star: DW11N11K

# Followers: 494,327,598

Summary: DW11N11K is a 19 year old from Belgium who looks at snack cakes (we never see the snack cakes on camera) and makes funny comments about them, often using his hilarious trademark insult "SNÂÂKKØØ!" in his four (and counting) videos. The Huffington Post called DW11N11K "the future of comedy."

Upcoming Project: DW11N11K has just signed a three-picture deal to write, direct and produce a 3D, IMAX DW11N11K trilogy with a budget of $567 Million. "SNÂÂKKØØ!" indeed.

YouTube Breakout Star: Samanthy Van Husselof-Camembert, in her blog "sAmAnThY's Makeup Instructionals"

# Followers: 8 trillion

Summary: Samanthy is a makeup blogger who alternates between how-to's about makeup and complaining about her Mom's diarrhea (they share the bathroom). In just 4 minutes, you can emulate the lipstick secrets of Princess Grace and Ariana Grande OR learn more about how dehydrated a 53 year old woman can become after only two trips to the toilet.

Upcoming Project: Samanthy is planning a "Friends" reunion, although none of the original stars have signed on, and so far it's only Samanthy and her Mom.

YouTube Breakout Star: Professor Timothy Grant of Rutgers University a.k.a. THE TIMBERSHANK

# Followers: ∞

Summary: Little is known about the secret identity of THE TIMBERSHANK, other than it's Professor Timothy Grant, head of the Biology Department at Rutgers University. THE TIMBERSHANK hosts a series of disturbing videos of cells dividing, moths mating and something called "symbiotic relationships between animals of different species." Trippy and psychedelic, these unexplainable videos are the cutting edge of avant garde YouTube entertainment.

Upcoming Project: Professor Timothy Grant a.k.a. THE TIMBERSHANK will be a chaperone at the Rutgers University Orientation Mixer For Freshman at the beginning of the Fall Semester. His office hours are 5pm-6:30pm on Thursdays in the Plant Science Field House building on the George H. Cook Campus.

The EADJ Sticker Show Comes Back For No Particular Reason

Once again, we spot a bunch of random stickers around town and summon the power of Google to explain their raisons d'être.

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"Don't Hate, Procreate."
Location: Midtown NYC
Possible Meaning: a pro-life movement in New Jersey?

Googling this phrase with the word "sticker" resulted in a lot of anti-Obama right wing stickers, which is odd.

But we did find a version of it on a t-shirt with the New Jersey state for the "O" in "PROCREATE." Still no idea what it could mean.

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"Paone Dezire 145.60"
Location: Soho NYC
Possible Meaning: The name of some dude who charges $145.60 in Bitcoin for a back rub.

Googling "Paone," "Deszire" and "145.60" brought us to a similar photo on Pingram with the same sticker. And then another shot on Instagram revealed a comment by user "pane_nyc" who turns out to be a Brooklyn-based graffiti artist. who at one point DID have stickers out and about. So, that's certainly a possibility.

Maybe? Results are 12% inconclusive.

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"BRWTNESS"

Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Possible Meaning: Either an Armani Exchange knockoff brand or the logo for a neo-Nazi youth movement.

Bingo! It's a skate brand with other pithy t-shirt designs as "FUCK," "Middle Finger," and "FUCK YOU DIE" (with middle finger).

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(Unknown Anchor Symbol with E and M)

Location: Jersey Shore

Possible Meaning: A funky brand of rugged nautical children's wear?

Gah. This is a toughie. I tried to Google "EM Anchor Wings" but nothing came up except images of plates of hot wings. I tried to isolate the logo and run it through reverse image search engine Tineye.com, but nuttin' came up.

Result: Frustratingly inconclusive.

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"Young Whales"

Location: Union, NJ

Possible Meaning: Ironic hipster rock band makes fun of Capitalism in their kid-friendly songs.

First Google result was a closed down online shop. Then another link showed that this was in fact another brand of urban clothing, run by NY Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz and launched with his fellow Giants rookie Nate Collins in 2010.

Phew. Only 2 out of 5 solved. We should Google harder next time.