***Let's Open the EADJ HOLIDAY Mail Sack!***

Two Christmas cards submitted by J'Net:

The first: Embossed, gold-leaf proof that J'Net paid too much for that muffler in Chicago.





Secondly, a card from J'Net's cousin Lisa:


I'm not sure which dog is Christy, but through the magic of deduction, I know one of them has to be Peanut. I started to feel sorry for that 16-year old playing Santa, being forced to take a photo with dogs with cataracts. Then I noticed the "bone snowflakes" and realized that he signed up for that bum gig. Stupid kid.

Hey! Let's play Who Farted with this photo!

Joel Takes a Stand on His Knees.

With celebrities like Rachael Ray and Tommy Lasorda pitching everything from duffel bags to blue cheese douches, Joel realized it was time for him parlay his notoriety to endorse some products he believes in.

Among these:

The Velour Loincloth by Dazzel®. Sparkly and sheer, even in the darkest of nightclubs. It lifts for easy access to dick, with handy velcro corners to keep the flap up while your going down. $44.99 at Structure.

The Stadium Buddy, Senior Golden Years Edition. Just like the common Stadium Buddy, but leakier and easier to use while always flaccid. Also reeks of "Grandma's Attic." $29.99

Dick Plus™. All the taste and texture of regular dick, but with added vitamins and minerals. $22.99 for a six pack at GNC.

Pelican Wings. Tasty barbecued wings of actual pelicans? Why? Fuck it! Available at Wing City and Domino's Pizzas. $4.99 with purchase of a medium pizza. Offer good through Sept 30. No subsitutions.

(pictured above, not every school in Connecticut is Yale)