How To Fake a May Pass for the NJ Transit

Here's a handy way to avoid paying an entire month of NJ Transit fares.


NJ Transit unwisely prints each month in the same color. So what you can do (although EADJ does not hold any responsibility for you choosing to do so) is write a "Y" on the free space on a previous monthly pass...



Cut it out...


...and tape over the "R" on your old March monthly pass.


It does a pretty decent job of looking like a May pass, and on a busy, moving train, a conductor might not notice.


But on the more likely chance a conductor does notice it's a counterfeit...


...the cell sink provides some good handholds for you to brace yourself during unrelenting prison rape.

A Gross Mystery. Part 2: Gross Harder

As of this writing, those nasty finger or toenails are still on Beth's office floor.


For comparison's sake, here's Lorraine's nails:


And an attempt was made at a meeting to capture Beth's. This proved very challenging because Beth talks with her hands all the time. Annoying.


But we finally got a shot.


Joanne (not pictured yet) thinks somebody came in and clipped their nails in Beth's office. Others (me) think Beth did. Tom has a third theory:

"They might have been there since she moved in, depending on how often they vacuum around here."

To further add to the confusion, here's a picture of an apple in the toilet:


What do you think, faithful EADJ reader?

**Sort of update**

Tom: "i just went up to bstone's and realized it would be weird for her to clip her nails in her office's guest chair, thus all but ruling out beth as a possible suspect"

Curlz Just Wanna Have Font

PROJECT ROSTER: We took a peek in Joel's itinerary to get a sense of what projects Joel has in the running for this week:

• Eat the dick of Xi Shun, the world's tallest man, so that I can stand up for once.

• Screenplay for Hallmark original movie "Chance Meeting in the Cat Toy Aisle."

• Trim that bush

• TV adaptation for "Spider-Man, the All-Black Wearing, Whiney Emo Phase."

• Lunch with Joe Eszterhas at Women's Symposium

• Eat Daniel Baldwin's dick to MAKE THE COLLECTION COMPLETE

• Toss that "King of Queens" script that will never get produced now, dammit

• Carb up for that big non-carb diet

• Start writing that biopic about Rachael Ray starring Rachael Ray as a thinner Rachael Ray

(pictured above, J'Net discovers another café that uses CURLZ!!!!!)

¢¢¢¢¢ SFVOSP Update 2 ¢¢¢¢¢

(the following is a firsthand account from Larry Liss, who, along with Andrew Gall, spotted the SFVOSP Wednesday night)

Having witnessed the entire scene, I can tell you that Andrew's story is 98% true. The other 2% is that Andrew seemed to be touching himself.

(pictured above, Larry Liss' version of the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson, spotted on Wednesday night)