All the Movies and Shows Named After Apples in Stop 'N Shop

 

In our spare time, we like to peruse the produce at Stop 'n Shop. When we got to the apples, there was this lovely and sorta helpful sign that showed the names of apples and their place on the sweet/tart continuum.

This got us to thinking, which TV shows and movies have already used some of these apple names?

Here they are, according to our research team:

My Apple Watch Ain't Playing Around, Guys

It is... 

Pardon Me Boy, Is That The Racist Appliances

Vince's Uncle Roberto Explains How To Publish Your Own Book

1) First, just get words on paper; work on your manuscript done. Once your manuscript is ready, use a self-publishing service to put your book in front of readers. Learn from their feedback to make an even better follow-up title.

2) Find an editor. While not required for self-publishing, editors can help make your story flow better, strengthen plots and characters, spot inconsistencies, and generally make your book more interesting and approachable in both fiction and nonfiction.

3) Find the right distributor. Don't use any book publishing service which demands an up-front fee and/or an excessive cut of sales revenue—there's simply no reason to pay for expensive vanity publishers anymore. Instead, use a service like Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing. Similar self-publishing services are offered by Barnes & Noble (through Nook Press), Apple (through iTunes Connect) and others, but Amazon's is one of the most widely available platforms and is easy to use.

And speaking of Apple, if you need your iPhone charged in my limo, I have both an old fashioned 6-pin cord and one of the new "lightining" cables. So keep your cool and don't start shouting about my "old piece of shit car" when I've clearly kept with the times. Be safe, kids.

A Tempting Scenario At The Supermarket

There, in the produce department. About crotch-height, a scale.

It's about 10:30pm, and hardly anybody else is in the supermarket. No security cameras in sight.

What to do… what to do...

Oh. Also the burning question, how many grams is my dick?

Marvel's Racist Appliances

HOLY SHITFUCKING COCKSUCKERS!!!!

So I was in Target buying feminine hygiene products, when I happened upon a familiar face on the new age CD rack.

Yes, Robin Meade, whose debut CD "Brand New Day" was reviewed right here on this very blog, has a sophomore follow-up album, IN STORES NOW.

So you're damn right I grabbed a copy and took it home. 

Check back later for a fuller review of this serious recording artist's latest.

Here she is wailing on (not whaling on) Piers Morgan:

What iOS That?

Pictured below, 16 apps on my phone, and I have no fucking clue what any of them do.

Spotted In The Apple Store

A girl playing a free coloring demo suddenly develops a craving for cigarettes.

OM NOM NOM NOM

Pictured below, proof you don't get an apple bottom eating apples.

Joel's On a Tear!

And just when you thought Joel's dick-eating adventures had plateaued.

While standing in line for the new 3G iPhone– which is really odd seeing how there aren't lines anymore– Joel took the opportunity to eat the dicks of all the Mac employees, customers, and camera crew members out on the plaza at the Santa Monica Open Air Bullshit Promenade. Joel's rapid-fire technique allowed him to eat six times as much dick as the Apple Store could sell iPhones. Melanie Griffith even marveled at Joel while striding in to buy a "pink iPhone."

Unfortunately, in his haste, Joel accidentally ate someone's iPhone. The poor Apple customer had no chance to retrieve the expensive item, for Joel had already chased it down with eight more ding dongs. The guy will have to wait till sometime tomorrow morning to retrieve his new iPhone and make calls with it.

(pictured above, hopefully a mostly-online realtor in Brooklyn)

Apple's iPhone gets some competition.