Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of April 3

Now here is a stack of underused Twitter hashtags that need a home. Won't you attach some of these to your stupid tweets? They'd appreciate it.

#aplasticsurgeonwhocares

#mypenisisstuckinthisdrawer

#gocharlottebobcats

#leavekimjongunalone

#plankinglol

#chickenbased

#ogilvyhomeperm

#katemiddletonvomit

#highonlifeandmeth

#voldemortapologist

#idontneedtheseovaries

#punchingjeffhealey

#c@ck

Joel's On a Tear!

And just when you thought Joel's dick-eating adventures had plateaued.

While standing in line for the new 3G iPhone– which is really odd seeing how there aren't lines anymore– Joel took the opportunity to eat the dicks of all the Mac employees, customers, and camera crew members out on the plaza at the Santa Monica Open Air Bullshit Promenade. Joel's rapid-fire technique allowed him to eat six times as much dick as the Apple Store could sell iPhones. Melanie Griffith even marveled at Joel while striding in to buy a "pink iPhone."

Unfortunately, in his haste, Joel accidentally ate someone's iPhone. The poor Apple customer had no chance to retrieve the expensive item, for Joel had already chased it down with eight more ding dongs. The guy will have to wait till sometime tomorrow morning to retrieve his new iPhone and make calls with it.

(pictured above, hopefully a mostly-online realtor in Brooklyn)

♥♥♥ EADJ Connections, Part 4 ♥♥♥

Today, Ayana contacted the EADJ offices in New York to report an EADJ connection: that a C-K candidate forgot her last name, googled "Ayana" and "Cramer-Krasselt," and found Ayana looking at a Goatse from our October 2 entry!

"Hysterical. If you google me, there's a giant shot of an ANUS that I'm looking at!!! Love it." Ayana added.

Good sleuthing, potential C-K replacement for Ranee Wu!

Also today, Michelle Litos reported that her old classmate who had found her through EADJ had just contacted her through Facebook, another stalker's wonderland:



The super-weird thing, though, is that the dude sort of resembles EADJ Editor David Estoye, but with a winning smile and dimples:


What's with the grocery store roses? And is that motherfucker wearing a cape? Weirdo.

Michelle could not confirm the whereabouts of Karen, Sandy or Melanie.

These latest EADJ connections confirm a widely held belief that through the combined forces of Google and Eat a Dick Joel, anyone can find a photo of anyone else taking a poop. Thanks, technology!

***UPDATE*** It is possible, however unconfirmed, that Michelle's college friend is actually Lestat, the famous vampire from the Anne Rice novels.