Episode Summaries For Last Week's FBI Shows on CBS

 FBI

Carol and Donovan lead a task force to monitor if Dollar General is stealing trade secrets from Dollar Tree. Sergeant Valco uses his EMT training to revive a fainting clown. A power outage and strange circumstances bring rookie Marco face to face with rocker Billy Squier.

FBI International

Debbie coordinates with Interpol to shut down a ring of pirated Labubu suppliers. Bianca and Giovanni infiltrate a terrorist cell operating out of the east clock of Big Ben. A UN representative negotiates a hostage transfer between a North Korean ambassador and Burwell.

FBI: Most Wanted

Cody uncovers an illegal casino in a grain silo. Smacky falls asleep during a stake out. Captain Guiterrez fires his nanny after the meatball incident.

Spotted on LinkedIn

 A person's profile pic frame "OPEN BUT PICKY".

Her attempt to appear willing to work but still have some discriminating tastes is overshadowed by the phrase "BUTTPICKY".

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Oh.

 

It's a HELMET STAND. I see now.

UAG

Th... Th... That's All, Racist Appliances!

Sure Enough, It's Time Once Again To Say Goodbye To Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

A pictorial tribute to hack lazy copywriting.

Goodbye! Bye! Goodbye! Bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

UAG

The EADJ Facebook De-Friender Returns

Sometimes one post is all it takes to want you to drop a Facebook friend forever. Harsh? Maybe. But check this shit out and tell me you wouldn't do the same:

Bye bye, G_________! Away from my News Feed!

EADJ Pun Police: K-9 Unit Version

"Hi, kids. I'm Sgt. Troy Sessman. This here is Toby. Toby is a three year veteran of the San Fernando Police Department. Did you know he is an actual police officer? He specializes in drug detection and the apprehending of suspects. Let's go to work, Toby!"

"Woof woof woof woof!"

"What's that, Toby? 'Lose your hang-ups, find your calling?' Gee, could there be more phone puns on one poster? That sounds like an awful movie. Go get 'em, boy."

*Toby leaps up, grabs the movie poster writer by the throat, and shakes*

"Woof woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof!"

"I know, Toby, Subway does tend to use a lot of puns. They can't get away with it. Let's remind them who's in charge on this street!"

*Toby bites the Subway manager by the crotch and pulls and pulls and pulls*

"Woof woof woof!"

"'Animal Practice: It's quite an operation.' How lazy. Right, Toby?"

*Toby urinates on the poster, then smells the base of a nearby tree*

"Woof woof! Woof woof! Woof?"

"You're right, Toby. Technically, nobody is really losing weight here per se, so that terrible pun doesn't even work. Go get 'em!"

*Toby grabs the girdle and rips it open until the lady's fat flabs burst out like syrup over pancakes*

"Groaaaaaan."

"Groaaaaaan."

*Toby puts both paws over eyes like they do in stupid comedies with dogs in it*

"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"

"One thing that Toby is trained in is enduring conditions that humans normally couldn't handle and deal with the problem. Like this drink cooler in Old Navy. Truly awful."

*Toby trips Old Navy manager and starts humping one of his eye sockets*

This one submitted by Andrew Gall:

"Woof, woof! Woof woof woof, woof!"

"'We're In Tents.' Not only their slogan, but their URL. Pretty ballsy of American Rental, Inc. Do it to it, Toby!"

*Toby grabs their balls and rips them out, and brings them to Sgt. Troy Sessman*

"Good boy, Toby!"

Coming Soon to the EADJ Crappinema: Da Station

What I thought was a JJ Sedelmaier cartoon turns out to be a live action movie that couldn't afford photography for the DVD cover. No, wait. They shot the microphone for the "I" in "Station." What the hoo hay?

This has all the signs of a well meaning but poorly executed urban comedy: the grunge font + use of the word "da" instead of "the" + crappy cartoon drawings of the cast + the use of the word "comedy" in the actual tagline. The inclusion of John "Ho Cakes" Witherspoon is extremely encouraging, however.

Heh Meh Duh Feh Cah Seveh Tuh Meh

(pictured above, Bob Dylan is none too happy about being Photoshopped with Coney Island's Parachute Jump)

Eat a dick Joel. And always double down on 11.

(As part of EADJ Guest Writer Week, this entry has been submitted by Larry Liss.)

Can you spot Joel at the online poker table? (Click to zoom)