A Familiar Face Pops Up Again

A FB ad features Doink The Clown Wrester, a name I haven't posted about here since the early 2000s.

We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs How You Can Reduce The Risk of Stroke

"That's a great question. First of all... guh... ouch... choosing healthy foods and dri... *cough* ...drinks and avoiding t... HACK! Ah, god. Avoiding too much sodium... huff huff huff... and sugar will keep your blood su... OW OW OW OW OW.. low. Try keeping a healthy wei... can't breathe can't breathe... and plenty of exerc... gag... will greatly reduce your... your risk...*coff* of stro..." *HAS STROKE*

Sure Enough, It's Time Once Again To Say Goodbye To Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

A pictorial tribute to hack lazy copywriting.

Goodbye! Bye! Goodbye! Bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

The EADJ Fashion Roundup: Fall Collection

I wanted to help this woman with her zipper in church, but I didn't want to get pepper sprayed.

These two unbearable hipsters were discussing the Gillette Fusion5 vs. ProGlide.

I just recently watched "Us," so seeing this guy in all red kind of freaked me out. Would've been freakier if he were carrying a large scissors.

This represents the entire spectrum of fashion choices women can make.

See? Secret agent men can be frumpy slobs, too.

Weren't You The One Who Tried To Break Me With Goodbye / Did You Think I'd Pathmark / Did You Think I'd Lay Down and Die

UAG

"Secret Agent Club" Starring Hulk Hogan Finds Its Place In Cinematic History

No wrestling analogies. No out-of-context wacky names for wrestling moves or holds. Nothing but 100% EADJ Crappinuum.

"Secret Agent Club" was placed firmly (that's not a wrestling reference!) between "Vipers" (that was a real movie we reviewed, not the name of a professional wrestler) and "The Casino Job" (not a type of chokehold or finishing move). It did indeed have some entertainment value but lazily stuck to a pre-conceived formula of how a father and his son connect after the son helps his secret agent father overcome some obstacle and they have a better understanding of each other, etc etc etc zzzzzzz.

"The Casino Job" had tits. So it trumps Hogan's pecs (which were NOT shown in this movie). That is a well known but unwritten EADJ Crappinema rule: tits win.

Click to enlarge

The EADJ Crappinema Reluctantly Posts A Review of "Secret Agent Club," starring Hulk Hogan

Oh dear. "Secret Agent Club" isn't even Hulk Hogan's first foray into kid-friendly fare- he had already appeared in 1991's "Suburban Commando" and 1993's "Mr. Nanny." So he either loves working with kids or hates even numbers. Billed as "True Lies" meets "Home Alone," the 1996 film "Secret Agent Club" is more accurately described as "An Icepick To The Taint" meets "Getting Audited." How bad is it? I would rather watch all thirty Wrestlemania specials with lampreys attached to my nuts than endure this movie a second time. Truth.

Editor's note: To help spice up this Crappinema, I took the liberty of peppering this write-up with some goofy Hulk Hogan gifs. Collect all 8 for a chance to win a Secret Agent Club beach towel not really!

This is the actual, verbatim dialogue between Mr. Yamata and Jeremy in this scene:

Mr. Yamata: When your Mama die, very hard on your Papa. You think he not miss her as much as you? 

Jeremy: He was never home, anyway. He was always off at some stupid toy convention. He wasn't even home when she died.

Mr. Yamata: Jeremy, he needs you now.

Jeremy: I don't think so.

Mr. Yamata: Well, you think again. He has no one else.

Overall grade: F