Spotted on LinkedIn

 A person's profile pic frame "OPEN BUT PICKY".

Her attempt to appear willing to work but still have some discriminating tastes is overshadowed by the phrase "BUTTPICKY".

Today We Asked The Riders of the NJ Transit Customer Satisfaction Survey Where YOUR Lost Chapstick is

You lost your Chapstick. We asked them where they think it is.

Jesse: "Maybe in your car's cup holder? No wait, you take the train. Duh!

Jess: Have you checked your purse? Like all the side pockets, too?

Angie: I bet it's washing in the laundry as we speak.

Trina: You and I hooked up last night. I think it's inside me.

Don With The Thumbs: Oh, that was YOUR Chapstick, dude? Gross!

Simon Peter: Never mind that. Have you heard about NFTs and how its investment potential is blowing up? 

The EADJ Fashion Roundup: Fall Collection

I wanted to help this woman with her zipper in church, but I didn't want to get pepper sprayed.

These two unbearable hipsters were discussing the Gillette Fusion5 vs. ProGlide.

I just recently watched "Us," so seeing this guy in all red kind of freaked me out. Would've been freakier if he were carrying a large scissors.

This represents the entire spectrum of fashion choices women can make.

See? Secret agent men can be frumpy slobs, too.

Here Are Your Job Numbers For the Week of October 19

Jallo!

This is Kurtzmann at front desk! I say hello to all of you all every day! It become my turn to send out reminder that sheets of time be submit today before end of today. Please do so now so that I can let you out of building! I am kidding- I am not allowed to do that for real life. Happy face.

Here they are:

935888 - Status meeting re-rescheduling

525001 - Arguing that At The Drive In! is more influential than TV On The Radio

313208 - Demanding your donated plasma back

712204 - Convincing HR that whipping out your dick is a religious practice

533788 - Preparing your rhymes for tonight's battle cipher

891341 - Bonding with the mail room guys over hating geese

118270 - Making a stipple portrait of John Oliver by throwing pencils at the ceiling

424728 - Giving head to the Dominos guy because you forgot your wallet

661820 - Fishing your smartphone out of the toilet

484012 - Really turning this place around

920130 - Pleading with a bear

6 Lies Told By The CIA Spy Exhibit Brochure

1) Not everything revealed in this exhibit has been declassified. And not everything that has been declassified is revealed in this exhibit.

2) The exhibit doesn't actually feature someone doing a soft shoe dance on the sidewalk. That's outside.

3) "Discovery: More Than a Museum." Nope. It's pretty much a museum.

4) Visitors are not encouraged to stroke the glass cases. In fact, if you're within 6 inches of a display case, an alarm goes off and you'll suddenly find yourself in a holding pen in Guantanamo Bay. You think I'm kidding?!

5) Kids who dream of becoming secret agents can only fully experience the world of espionage by selling sensitive government documents to foreign nations by way of their embassy in exchange for money or political asylum.

6) "Navigating laser beams" actually means "rolling on top of a supermarket scanner like a dumbass until it beeps."

EADJ is proud to announce that the "6 Lies Told" series is now a new college course taught at the Rio Salado College in Tempe, Arizona. The course covers everything from brochures to the six lies that each one tells in graphic detail. 

The completion of the course counts towards a degree in Dental Assisting or Law Enforcement Technology but can be also used towards a simple framed Certificate of Completion for $15.99.

An Imagined (Short) Conversation

"Well, shit. This 14 feet of molding ain't gonna fit in the trunk. Now we drove all the way to Home Depot for nothing."

"Wait. I got an idea."

The EADJ Sticker Show

Wherever there are urban areas, there are rats. But also, wherever there are urban areas, there are random stickers. Now, nobody's saying that rats are responsible for putting up random stickers... fuck, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.

(restart) Hey, have you ever noticed random stickers around town and wondered what the hell they mean? Well, we at EADJ are here to help with our new segment, the EADJ Sticker Show. Using the power of the Internet, we attempt to demystify the sticky goings around town! You're welcome!

• MilkBoy sticker, spotted in an Austin, TX burger joint


Well, pre-sleuthing, I'm guessing this is some kind of record label or music store. And a quick visit to MilkBoy.tv confirms this. It's a recording studio located in Ardmore, Pennsylvania, boasting services such as multi-track digital recording, mixing, and sound design. The fact that the sticker was found in the musical mecca Austin comes as no surprise, then. They also own MilkBoy Coffee, a coffeeshop/bistro that has a stage for music for their label's artists. Neat.



• Sucka Brown sticker, spotted in suburban Los Angeles


Pre-sleuthing, I guess Sucka Brown is some wise-ass self-promoting graffiti artist. A quick Googling, however, revealed Sucka Brown to be worse: a bunch of white guys from Boston playing "funk/pop/rock." And yes, their music is as white bread funk as you can imagine.



Kudos to Sucka Brown for spreading the word of their sub-par, Ruby Tuesday-caliber funk all the way to the San Fernando Valley!

• Leo & Pipo sticker, spotted in Midtown NYC


I assumed Leo & Pipo was some sort of boutique clothier for the sophisticated urbanite who drank Dos Equis and smoked cigarillos. Turns out Leo & Pipo are two Parisian artists who use collages of black and white photography to integrate people from another time into the surroundings of the present.


So essentially their stickers are a big part of their art, and instead of some thoughtless promo slapped on a mailbox, it's *art* slapped on a mailbox. We at EADJ approve of this distinction.

Check EADJ for more sticker investigatin' in the future. Or submit your sticker mysteries to incineratedfrank@yahoo.com