The Ineffectual King in the Royal Match Mobile Game

If you've ever been on YouTube or Facebook lately, you've likely seen ads for Royal Match! A casual puzzle game that features a cartoon king in constant need of rescue.

He's always in danger of drowning or being buried alive or getting sliced by swinging saw blades. My first thought is, He's a king. Where is his security detail? How are they allowing him to always get into these situations? Is this a sexual kink of his?

I mean, it's a twist on the damsel in distress trope, I guess. But it does annoy me to see the supposed monarch of a sovereign nation groveling and begging like a pathetic coward. Have some self respect, your highness!

Someone Call Courteney Cox's Lawyer

Someone at the game company Wooga liked "Friends", I guess. Or maybe they're targeting middle aged folks who miss the 90s?

Reasons Why Annie + Jackson Won't Last

Spotted in Staples, a mockup of a Save the Date, featuring an Annie + Jackson:

1) They're having the wedding (November 25) on a Thanksgiving weekend?! That's either on purpose because they're so unsure about the wedding that they don't want their relatives and friends to actually attend, or they're so dumbly infatuated with each other that they haven't properly thought things through.

2) It's a sweet pose, but the fact that Jackson has his back to her and doesn't make eye contact speaks volumes about their actual chemistry.

3) Not to perpetuate the diamond industrial complex, but I don't see a ring on that hand. Not even a simple band. Bad start, Jackson!

4) Both of their hairstyles are so damned trendy, it wouldn't be a surprise if their relationship were as superficial and fleeting. Truth hurts, folks.

5) They went to STAPLES for invitations? Pair of broke-ass kids are gonna fight over money within the first year and get divorced- mark my words.

Farting On Susan's Facebook Wall

So I'm Facebook friends with this girl Susan M. I don't really know her all that well except that we worked together in Chicago a few years ago, but I friended her because I'm not very discriminating and think hundreds of Facebook friends will magically validate me somehow.

Anyhoo, I finally got around to reading her profile page, and it turns out she's fans of Starbucks, J. Crew, Zipcar, Walgreen's, Oprah, Gossip Girl, and Groupon Chicago. Wow, imagine that!

So to make her website more interesting, I posted on her wall:


And I soon got a response on my wall;


I thought over time she'd remove the "fart" from her wall, but after a good 24 hours, it was still there. So I left another, thinking she'll definitely take it down, then:


It's been a good weekend since I posted that second fart, with no response or action, so I felt it important to post the screenshot of the first fart on her wall on her wall:


She'll definitely take it down now, right? Or at least unfriend me. Stay tuned to EADJ as this important story develops.

Let's Apply Generous Amounts of Salt To the EADJ Mail Sack Even Though Our Doctor Warned Us Against Too Much Sodium In Our Diet!

Submitted by Chris Stoltz a photo via text message:

"Last night some guy drove onto our agency's parking lot gate. lol."

Coming Soon to the EADJ Crappinema: Da Station

What I thought was a JJ Sedelmaier cartoon turns out to be a live action movie that couldn't afford photography for the DVD cover. No, wait. They shot the microphone for the "I" in "Station." What the hoo hay?

This has all the signs of a well meaning but poorly executed urban comedy: the grunge font + use of the word "da" instead of "the" + crappy cartoon drawings of the cast + the use of the word "comedy" in the actual tagline. The inclusion of John "Ho Cakes" Witherspoon is extremely encouraging, however.

Let's Tell the EADJ Mail Sack That We're Going Out For Smokes When In Fact We're Leaving Them Forever!

Submitted via text message by Tom W:

A sign on Bowen's door with a lesson– Account executives shouldn't volunteer to model wardrobe.

You Don't Have To Ask Joel Twice.

The following is an actual conversation recorded yesterday via phone:

Chen: Chen's Garden How can I help you

Joel: Hello? I'd like to order some delivery?

Chen: Okay

Joel: One large #609, Beef with Black Bean Garlic Sauce?

Chen: #609

Joel: But could you substitute the beef with dick?

Chen: Dick

Joel: Yes, please. Lots of dick. No beef.

Chen: Beef dick

Joel: No, you stupid fucking chink. Just dick.

Chen: Racist

Joel: Whatever, Chairman Mao. How much?

Chen: Small or large

Joel: LARGE DICK, you slant-eyed FOB.

Chen: What is fob

Joel: FRESH OFF THE BOAT. Learn your goddamned racial slurs!!!!

(click)

Joel: Hello? Hello? I'm sorry Chen! Chennnnnnnnnnnnnn!

-exeunt-

(pictured above, Margaret Powell from Houston wins $6000 when she solves the phrase "PAT A DUCK, JOWL" )