Some Drawbacks From Headphones That Instantly Turn Into Speakers

Headphones that instantly turn into speakers sounds like a pretty neat idea at first glance. However, here are a few possible drawbacks from using this innovative product:

• Sudden excruciating ear pain

• PERMANENT HEARING LOSS

• Unexpectedly revealing to everyone around you that you listen to Three Doors Down

• I SAID, PERMANENT HEARING LOSS

• Unimpressed friends

I Think This Counts As A "Turkey."

Picture above, a very rare photo taken on the NJ Transit train: 3 people in a row reading PRINTED BOOKS.

Farting On Susan's Facebook Wall

So I'm Facebook friends with this girl Susan M. I don't really know her all that well except that we worked together in Chicago a few years ago, but I friended her because I'm not very discriminating and think hundreds of Facebook friends will magically validate me somehow.

Anyhoo, I finally got around to reading her profile page, and it turns out she's fans of Starbucks, J. Crew, Zipcar, Walgreen's, Oprah, Gossip Girl, and Groupon Chicago. Wow, imagine that!

So to make her website more interesting, I posted on her wall:


And I soon got a response on my wall;


I thought over time she'd remove the "fart" from her wall, but after a good 24 hours, it was still there. So I left another, thinking she'll definitely take it down, then:


It's been a good weekend since I posted that second fart, with no response or action, so I felt it important to post the screenshot of the first fart on her wall on her wall:


She'll definitely take it down now, right? Or at least unfriend me. Stay tuned to EADJ as this important story develops.

A Special Message From The Bassist From Spit My Rage

Hi guys.

I'm Dougie, bassist for the hardcore band Spit My Rage. You might remember me from my brutal bass licks on the song "Curse You Out" and from the video for "Knife Heart."

No? Maybe you've memorized the slap-bass style (something I've worked on for six months!) on "P*ss Drunk and Plenty." Or a similar style I used on the main hook for "Darkened Lighthouse," the B-side to our second single, "Scream On, Tabitha."

Still, nothing? That's cool. You follow the band as a whole and haven't learned all the individual band member's names. I guess it doesn't help things that most of our album sales (almost 300!) on iTunes doesn't include liner notes. So I can understand that.

Spit My Rage. You've heard of us, right? Spit My Rage? We're all over the place. We played the Beholden Tour 2006-2009. We were onstage with Cruss at the Milwaukee Summerfest, for crying out loud. We're friggin' famous!

No? Fuck you.

See, This Is How You Do It.

Spotted on the NJ Transit Train from NYC, a fellow commuter has it all figured out:




A) Brown-bagged Coors Light purchased at Penn Station

B) iPod cranking either Pussy Cat Dolls or Steve Earle

C) Wallet opened to show monthly pass for when conductor comes by

D) Blackberry to text mistress/boyfriend that he forgot his Vicodin in the hotel room

E) 9mm gun hidden in satchel for when the wife finds out about mistress/boyfriend and leaves him, taking the house, children, and car and forcing him to live at the local motel with nothing but a meth addiction and a box of KFC.

A Helpful Hint

Need ideas for a playlist name in iTunes? Look on bathroom walls!



They also make for good mafioso nicknames or something a grandpa on a sitcom would mutter when he hits his thumb with a hammer.

Coming Soon to the EADJ Crappinema: All The Kind Strangers

Shit, why review a blandly titled TV movie where the biggest stars are Stacy Keach and Robby Benson?!


HERE'S why:



Sold!