UAG

Nervous?

Spotted online: A Tulsi Gabbard Nikki Haley political ad. Thanks to some weird droplet flourishes by a graphic designer, it looks like she's sweating or nervous about the tiny red people protesting against her.

Some Drawbacks From Headphones That Instantly Turn Into Speakers

Headphones that instantly turn into speakers sounds like a pretty neat idea at first glance. However, here are a few possible drawbacks from using this innovative product:

• Sudden excruciating ear pain

• PERMANENT HEARING LOSS

• Unexpectedly revealing to everyone around you that you listen to Three Doors Down

• I SAID, PERMANENT HEARING LOSS

• Unimpressed friends

Some More Terrible But Available Porn Names

HER:

T. Ruthie Ness
Myuzi Wayzaton
Bi Felicia
Papilloma Virus
Amy Forthebushes
Alicia Affordtaurus

HIM:

Dunning Kruger-Effect
Trés Gaudy
Stefon Fetchit
Sid Artha
Skip Lunch
Dewey Havacondom

And Again More Puddles of New York City, Identified By Pantone Number

The streets of New York City brim with life, flavor and a strange, frothy brown substance that shies away from light. Here now are the latest discovered mystery puddles found in the great city and their accompanying Pantone colors:

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Fold A Throw Blanket

Fold the throw in half vertically for the flip and flop method. Then flip in half over your forearm and flop it over the back of a sofa or chair. For the flip and toss method, fold the blanket in half vertically. Take hold of the middle and toss in place.

And speaking of holding the middle, if you're ever feeling nauseous while riding in the back of my limousine, asking me to pull over so you can puke will automatically get you 20% off your total bill. I don't have that in writing, but that's a promise. Stay safe, kids.

UAG

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of October 6

If you still need to read an intro line of copy for this segment, fuck you.

#dinklagepenis

#iheartcongressionalrepublicans

#babydumpsterdiving

#spider-manrebootreboot

#whereissusanboylenowadays

#gungans

#grapesinmyurethra

#idontwanttoseekatdenningstitsafterall

#ikeaabortion

#amysmartiskindofhot

#amandaknoxiskindofhot

#hawkeyeisthecoolestavenger

#pussyrepellent

#darkcrystalfanfic

#jewsblamemeforeverything

#kwanzaapreparations

#eadjstwittersleastusedhashtagssegment

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto With How To Organize A Protest

Decide on a time and location for your protest. This is probably the simplest step, but it does require a little thought and consideration on your part. If you're protesting a business or organization with just one location, then the choice is obvious. But if you're targeting a company with multiple locations in your area, try to pick one that has a lot of foot or car-traffic...after all, your goal is for as many people to see you as possible.

Once you have worked out the specifics of your protest, your next step will be to get the word out about your event. Make a flyer informing people about your demonstration. Be sure to include the date, time, and location of your event, as well as a brief narrative about why exactly you are protesting. You can hang these flyers around town and give one to anyone you meet who might be interested in attending your demonstration. There are a few occasions where you might need to get a permit. If you want to protest inside a shopping center or other "private property," you'll need to ask the owner beforehand. Also, if you are planning to use amplified sound equipment (like a bullhorn or a microphone) or if you expect more than 25 people, you should check with the city first.

Which reminds me, never pick up animal rights activists in your limo. They'll stink up the car with patchouli and some will even slash the seats if they're leather. I think one guy even left lice. Dirty people.